Session Notes

Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy:

“n a therapy session, a husband’s numb withdrawal expands into a sense
of intimidation and helplessness. He can now assert his need for respect
and become more accessible to his wife.

He
moves from ”There is no point in talking to you. I don’t want to
fight.“ to ”I do want to be close. I want you to give me a chance.
Stop poking me and let me learn to dance with you.“
His
wife’s critical anger then expands into fear and sadness. She can now
ask for and elicit comfort.

She moves from ”You just don’t care. You don’t get it.“ to ”It
is so difficult to say – but I need you to hold me – reassure
me – can you?“”

I good overview of the process that grieving to the Lord can lead to in marital therapy.

Q&A: Can we help or hinder the work of God in our own lives and others?:

“ regarding your situation with your wife. What does your heart desire toward her? Do you often feel stifled from holding back from sharing life with her in some form or another? Do you keep your mouth shut in fear of screwing things up? Believe me, I understand all this.
I mean, it’s obvious to me that you don’t want her to get into a ”frenzy“, but I suspect you would love to share the life together with her in a very real and living way. True? But you often wonder, ”What’s the use?“, because you know God has to take care of it in His own way. But ”God’s way“ involves US into the sharing of His life. And you have known this desire in a powerful way.”

This is an excellent article regarding the difference between the religious meaning of ministry and the powerful desire of talking about reallife. Even though we are afraid to promote error, it seems to be God’s way that involves us into the sharing of His life. Our knowing the Lord is the one who does the real work truly frees us to be confident in our sharing.

Q&A: Can someone “walking in the Spirit” believe he has 2 natures?:

“it’s not surprising to discover that even ”scriptural“ points of view will get infused with the very same fleshly attitude of the one telling it.  As a prime example, I’m sure both of us have heard God’s wonderful grace incorporated into an arrogant doctrinal stance where those who ”hold“ it will somehow see themselves as if they deserve it.  Well, enough of that, you had another question, didn’t you?  ”

This is a good article that explores two senses of walking the Spirit.
1.) As believers we are always in the Spirit 2.) We either live by the frame of mind that we walk by our efforts or by grace. I pray God allows it be clear for all of us.

What to do if Someone You Know is Raped:

“ Victims of sexual assault are apt to suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts – even months after the attack. With this in mind, every attempt should be made to encourage crisis intervention with trained counselors and social workers who are committed Christians.”

Increasing Intimacy in Marriage:

“As this analogy shows, over-dependence in marriage can lead spouses to become tired and resentful of carrying the burden for the other’s happiness. Over-dependence creates feelings of powerlessness and weakness because your happiness is in someone else’s hands. Complete independence is also unhealthy because it causes spouses to feel unneeded and lonely. Interdependence is a balance between over-dependence and independence. In an interdependent marriage, spouses feel needed without being overburdened. They feel a sense of freedom and power, understanding that their happiness is in their control and not in the hands of another person.”

This is a great article encouraging others to be interdependent so the person feels needed and not lonely. This is our prayer for all marriages.

intimacy in marriage:

“Everyone agreed that after a full day’s work both men and women are weary and exhausted. But when a husband seems to reserve all his attention for his work and shows no attention to his wife, she feels unloved. When that happens, instead of having a loving and sexually responsive wife, he will run the risk of being at continual odds with her. He will get wrath instead of warmth.”

This is an excellent series of articles on sustaining intimacy in marriage. Even though one sees the other through the Finished Work of Christ, it is important to share the feelings with each other/the Lord together.

Infidelity, Cheating Wives – Women’s Infidelity:

“Women at Stage 3 may also be
experiencing the ending of an extramarital
affair, and the ending may not have
been their decision. They may have been
involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could
not progress or who became attracted to
another women who was
single. Women whose affairs are
ending often experience extreme grief.
They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward
their husbands. They are typically unaware that they
are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden
changes in their brain chemistry.
As a result, many will feel that they have
missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness.”

This is excellent article shows the feelings one experiences during the progression of affairs. The anger/sadness/confusion/feaars needs to be expressed to God so the block can be removed. An openness needs to be present before God so his best desires and joy for the marriage can flow once again.

Infidelity, Cheating Wives – Women’s Infidelity:

“Women’s
relationships today follow

a very
predictable pattern:

 

 


They
push men
for commitment


They get what they want


They



lose interest
in sex



They
become attracted to someone else



They
start cheating


They become angry
and resentful

They begin telling their partners that they need time apart

They blame their partners for
their behavior…

               

and then…


They
slowly destroy their relationships and marriages”

This is a typical pattern. However if one gives the fear of love in the intimate relationship to the Lord, God’s sufficient love for the partners to give can flow once again. There is no blame necessary because the person does not realize they are doing the old and really doesn’t deep down want to do it. The new person in Christ is what is true.

What Your Teens Need to Know about Sex:

“Quick ideas about setting boundariesChildren and teens need boundaries for their safety. Children should understand the consequences of breaking family rules and boundaries. Consequences should fit the severity of the rule. The following are a few boundaries to discuss with your teen:CurfewTransporting other teens: who or how many people ride in one car together Drinking alcohol or using drugsDrinking alcohol or using drugs and driving Lying to parents or adults in authorityAllowing opposite-sex company in bedrooms Having friends over while parents are absent Age at which dating can beginDating vs. courting: discuss family values and guidelines”

This is a good article of a vision for teenage relationships. However, the law-based Christianity mindset is laced through it. The piece needs to be changed to focus only on Jesus.

GOT A CLUE ABOUT YOUR GQ*?:

“ It always hurts to break up. And it reeks when you’re not the one choosing to end it. (That’s one reason many of you choose courtship over dating.) But when it’s over, it’s best to let it be over. Give it some time to let the awkwardness and pain go away before trying to be best buds with the girl. So you’re trying to take Ling at her word with b? Sounds like you’re trying to put words in her mouth—and feelings in her heart. And a? DUH! Minus 5.
9. The lesson to remember here is that when a girl says she doesn’t like you like that, she means . . . she doesn’t like you like that. Don’t take it as a total rejection. Instead, be content with the great friendship with a cool girl. You’ll still get to hang out with her and do stuff in groups. What an awesome chance to learn more about women. That’s probably even better than taking this quiz.”

This article has some good points on relating to women. Trying to make something happen is true, especially for women.