Session Notes

WHY DO YOU WANT A GIRLFRIEND?:

“So there’s this girl. Yeah, we know: She’s fun, pretty, spiritually strong, and a good friend. You love hanging out with her, and you’ve started wondering about taking things to the next level—you know, a relationship. But why?
It sounds like you’ve got a good thing going. You know each other well. You have fun hanging out together without the awkwardness of being a couple. And you’re getting great practice in learning how to relate to the opposite sex.
So in all your deep contemplation, ask yourself these questions:
• Why do I want this girl friend to become my girlfriend?”

These are some excellent questions to ask regarding the timing of a serious relationship.

SIX LIES ABOUT SEX:

“One day she said, ”I don’t think you love me. All you ever want to do is kiss.“ She spat the last word like poison. Her bitterness ran deep. Having thrown away the boundaries, they had ”kissed“ far more than each others lips. She almost gave him back the ring.
Dave wanted to scream, that it wasn’t his idea to kiss in the first place. But he didn’t. Dave knew that being the relationship’s leader, he’d made bad choices. He couldn’t blame her.
The couple backed off to cooler, more manageable boundaries. They stopped kissing, but the scars were there. Scars don’t go away.
When the wedding day came, technically Dave and his bride were still virgins. But as ”technical virgins“ on the most special day of their lives, they didn’t feel too special. They had acted like impatient children at Christmas. The gift of sex had been partially unwrapped. When they finished unwrapping it the night they got married, it wasn’t much of a surprise.
Years later, Dave still feels the sting of his wrong choices. With the clarity of hindsight, here are a few of the lies he believed:”

This is an excellent article that outlines the progression of physical relationships. However there is still an emphasis on the rules, even though it says there are none. The law-based legalism of the culture is what causes the guilt. The Lord just wants us to have as much happiness/surprise that anticipation elicits. The lies need to be given to God so His perspective and way can be lived out in the believers.

Cash Clash: What’s Below the Surface?:

“ Don’t begin your conversations in a negative tone and expect something positive to come out of it.Be kind and compassionate to one another…—Eph. 4:32(KJV)Am I harboring unresolved hurt or resentment? Sometimes it’s easier to argue about money than to admit when we have hurt feelings. If your spouse has hurt you and you’re still harboring that hurt — or maybe even resentment — you’re going to see everything through that filter of hurt. When your spouse tries to discuss financial issues, you’ll be more likely to overreact.”

This is a good article encouraging on to give God the hurt and anger quickly so His Spirit can bring about an objective conflict resolution discussion with ones spouse. If one is living out God’s life of integrity/compassion/love it inspires the other to do so as well if He/she is a believer. There need not be judgement so honesty and trust can flow freely. These are the core/root issues.

Financial Authority:

“ The plan needs to be fair and equal for all concerned. Remember that a marriage is a partnership and partners share in all things. Avoid the ”his money, her money“ or the ”I deserve this because“ attitude.”

This is a good article because it talks about the role of spouses to balance the extremes of the other in decisions. One is not sinful because Jesus took the offenses away. Submitting your life or remebering it all is submitted is essential.

His, Hers or Ours?:

“There is nothing wrong with the wife handling the finances in the family if she is the better administrator, but God still holds the husband accountable for the ultimate decisions.When there is an impasse, the wife must yield to her husband and allow the Lord to work it out. As they work together, encouraging one another, God will show them His favor and grace.”

This is a good article minus the judgement about yielding in marriage to a husband. Trusting God to work all things for good is key.

Shovel Writings: The Peace of Christ – 2:

“ Now, was Paul
teaching us to learn to distinguish the feelings of the Spirit from the
feelings of the world?  Was he then asking us to trust those
feelings of peace we get from the Spirit?  Is this what it means
to be ”led by the Spirit“?  It may be the popular teaching, but if
Paul TAUGHT it where did he WRITE it?  I read his letters and I
see someone who would never establish a practice of making
decisions based on a relative sense of ”peace“.  Instead, he
constantly insisted on basing all things on what Christ had ALREADY
accomplished. ”

This is an excellent article clearly stating that God is leading through His Spirit 24/7. (ROM 8:14) This is a great article for married couples who sometimes have difficulty completely trusting their spouse is in “God’s will.”

Understanding Biased Perceptions:

“ although it is often biased perception that makes an alternative seem more satisfying, it is possible to become attracted to someone who actually would be more satisfying to you than your mate. There may be something missing in your marriage that you desperately want, and although it might develop later, it also might not. It’s painful to have this realization. It can also make you resentful and angry. If that’s your situation, it’s better to acknowledge it and grieve for the loss rather than letting it erode your dedication to your mate. Otherwise, you could lose all you have built together.”

This is a good article stressing the need to focus on that Jesus took away the bad in your spouse. There is no need for revenge or judgement.

Togetherness: Making It Work:

“hings changed on their third anniversary. They made a commitment to each other: No matter what, they would learn how to connect and develop intimacy. They began studying the Bible and praying together, and attended every marriage conference they could find. They made spending time together a hobby; where you saw one, you’d see the other. They took up golf and skiing. For the next 20 years they would have at least one date a week.”

This is a good article. However one needs to surrender the relationship to God to allow Him to develop the closeness in His timing.

Growing in Oneness:

“Is that how Jesus became ”one“ with His disciples? No. He understood the value of spending time with them, talking, teaching, dining, and experiencing happy and challenging moments together. There were times when Jesus needed to be alone, but He understood the value of being with His followers, too. In the end, He gave His life for them and they gave theirs for Him — the ultimate testimony of oneness.”

This is a good article discussing that having someone over or being away from your spouse a lot does not build the closeness both desire but are afraid to create.

Feelings of Doubt and Uncertainty:

“Though she was certain Ted was the man God had chosen for her, Nicole missed her independence. Often she felt sad, conflicted, confused — wondering whether she’d made the wrong decision about marriage. She loved Ted and was thankful for him, realizing she couldn’t have asked for a better man. But she struggled with having to give up her ”alone time“ and sense of freedom. After praying, studying the Bible, and getting direction from Christian friends, Nicole began to see that her feelings were normal and that most people experience them.”

I went through those feelings of the loss of my singleness that needed to be grieved. The transition from independence to interdependence is difficult but necessary.