Session Notes

Session Notes:

“”

The God Who Speaks – July 7, 2006 I was gearing up for soul-restoration, not issues-exploration. But Cam is usually right, so I kept my eyes open and asked the Lord for a strategy. Sure enough, not long into my “breather”, up came some “stuff” that wants to bully me towards isolation. How do you rest when old insecurities, temptations, or “demons” rise up when you finally still your heart? Or am I the only one who didn’t automatically get all his shortcomings washed away at baptism? If not, read on:

The Lord showed me that during a time of rest, first of all, I don’t need to go digging for my issues. They will surface on their own, thankyou very much.

Second, when they surface, I don’t need to work at fixing things. Rather, I can sit WITH them in HIS PRESENCE, allowing them to RIPEN. That way, instead of running around the tree of my life picking off old “bad” fruit, I can sit at the tree of HIS LIFE /the Cross) and let the fruit simply rot and fall off. I found that this took some patience and a little courage. But to extend the tree analogy, it was a reminder that Christ is the Pruner… not me. And if you give Him a chance, He is faithful to do it. I hardly had to help him; my role was to simply ripen in His presence. SOOO restful… in fact, the biggest breakthrough came just this morning through a one-minute dream. It was Jesus, teaching me “the unforced rhythms of grace” (Matt. 11:28 MSG).

And third, it dawned on me, “Why don’t I ALWAYS take this approach?” Perhaps there is a time to take the initiative and really pursue one’s healing ruthlessly and thoroughly… but I’ll ask Jesus about that later. After my rest. In the mean time, can I challenge you to ask the Lord if there’s anything “in your face” that He’d like to have ripen in His presence.

Brad Jersak

This is an inspiring article!!! I pray we can allow God to reveal His healing love to us, our families, friends, clients, churches, school, and world.

Canned Goods and Closed Hearts – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“My parent’s generation had known what is was like to be without food. Consequently, somewhere deep inside them a voice must have said, ‘I will never be caught without enough food to eat again.’ Thus, the massive inventory of canned goods. Come what may in life, there would be food in the cabinets. I think that’s how many of us face most areas of our lives. We have faced circumstances at times that created a sense of loss or need within us. Because the situation was painful, somewhere deep inside us, we said, ‘This won’t ever happen to me again.’ So we hoarded what we have and shut the cabinet door. We went into the self-protection mode. Some were hurt by a friend and have now closed the door on vulnerability. They’ll never trust another person as a true friend. Others have had a marriage go sour. Today, they won’t completely open up to their mate because of fear. If they give everything, they risk losing everything again. Some were burned at church. Now, they have lumped all churches in the same hypocritical pile and won’t become an integral part of a church fellowship. The hurts differ, but the response is common. Shut the door of my heart and don’t risk losing what I have or being hurt. After all, if it happened once, . . . What ‘great depression’ have you experienced in life? What commodity did you feel you had taken from you when you needed it most? Was it trust? Love? Friendship? What have you lost? As a result have you tried to stuff those things deep inside you that you don’t want to ever lose again? Are you fearful to take them out? Have you resolved that you’ll never find yourself in that kind of situation again?”

This is a great article which describes what happens when a person who has been hurt in turn hurts another. I pray J.C’s Spirit will teach the us, our families, friends, clients, schools, and world to be vlulnerable again in life. God show us other’s hearts/hurts so we will not feel a hint of judgement.

God Is For Me – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

” When things are going the way you want, God is for you. When life seems to be falling apart, God is for you. When the Philistines chased David down in Gath, he wrote, ‘This I know, that God is for me’ (Psalm 56:9). What a time to make a declaration like that! Many of us have found ourselves in a place similar to David’s situation at times. Life is closing in . . . the enemy seems to have us cornered and there appears to be no way out. Pleasant circumstances disappear before our eyes and the world turns dark. At times like that, we may be tempted to cry out, ‘Why is God against me?’ Not David. He assured himself with the truth, ‘God is for me.’ He didn’t say, ‘This I feel, that God is for me.’ There are many times in life that we don’t feel like God is for us. No, he said, ‘This I know, that God is for me.”

This is a great article esp in times of minor challenges or when God seems silent. I find grieving also helpful, like Job to experience THE LORD is NOT AGAINST US. It shows the process of THE FATHER proving His love through His assurance, MAYBE THROUGH SENSING HE IS HOLDING US, until we can go from-affirming, to feeling, to knowing GOD IS FOR ME THIS I KNOW. MAY IT BE SO FOR US, OUR FAMILIES, FRIENDS, AND THE WORLD!

Cling to Jesus – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

” When grace is a subject you believe, but wonder how to move it from your head to your experience, cling to Jesus. When your heart has grown cold and you haven’t felt God’s presence in a very long time, cling to Jesus. When a friend betrays you in a way you never would have expected, cling to Jesus. Cling to Jesus. He will guide you through His Spirit. He will nurture you by His love. He will provide for you through His generosity. He will comfort you through His tender compassion. He will heal you by His stripes. He will reveal truth to you through His Word. He will transform you by His power. He will touch you by His presence. He will sustain you by His faithfulness. Cling to Jesus. He holds you in His arms at this very moment and will never let you go. “

This is an incredibly comforting article about being open to holding onto Jesus in our challenges! It only seems done through His grace. May it be so for us, our family, friends, and the world.

Poemae Qui Aperio

I’ve learned that it is all of these beliefs
That they are making a prisoner out of me
I am the one who has created these walls
Now I am feeling like I want to break free

I’ve learned that even though I was living
I know that I’ve been dying to feel alive
I can say that I want more this time around
I’m starting to feel like I want to survive

I’ve learned that there is so much more
And this part of me that I thought had died
Now wants to come out and experience life
And convince me that I don’t need to hide

I’ve learned that things are not as they seem
And the lies that I was taught are not true
I am not the bad person that I thought I was
I’m a good person that bad things happened to

© Copyright www.poemaequiaperio.com

The entire site deserves a read.

It’s a single-author blog site filled with poetry from a person who, evidently, experienced some incredible abuse and is coming through it to some significant healing. If you start with the first poem (Down at the bottom) and then read them in order, they read like a road map of growth and transformation.

John Eldredge: June 2008:

“First, we really need vacations, just as we really need Sabbath rest each week. There’s a rhythm to life. The heart beats, then it rests. It beats, then rests. We wake each morning, then we sleep every night. We wake, then we sleep. We spend energy, then we take in food to replenish what we spent. Vacation is like that. We’ve got to have periods of rest and joy and beauty in our year. So here is what we’ve learned about vacations: First, ask God! Don’t just assume you know what is best this summer. Ask God what he’d have you do, and when, and with whom. Too many folks squander their vacation because they don’t ask God what he has for them. We went to Kauai because we prayed about it last winter, several times. ‘Where should we go, Lord? For how long?’ Visits are not vacations. Most folks spend their vacation time visiting relatives. That rarely is restful and restoring. Visits are not vacations. Don’t confuse the two. Pray over your vacation beforehand! You know there is a thief. You know he hates joy. The mistake we often make is somehow thinking that vacation time is exempt from the Battle. It’s not. I spent weeks ahead of time praying over our Kauai trip – praying for safety. For the weather. For our travel. For our love as a family to be full. Don’t spend your vacation running. Too many times the temptation is to fill the time with busy-ness, running here and there, touring, trying to ‘fit it all in.’ Most folks get home and need a vacation from their vacation. Don’t squander it running around. We spent most our time within a few miles of the place we stayed. Resting. Being renewed. Don’t drop your guard. The temptation when we get to wherever it is we were going for vacation is to drop our usual prayer life, drop our armor, and think ‘this is time out.’ It’s not. To protect the time, I got up early every morning and prayed hard over the day. Don’t be lulled into a false security. Okay. Now ask God what he has for you this summer.”

May it be so for everyone!!!

GV Jan 2008:

“Control freaks – that’s what we all are when we try to be in charge of our own lives. God never intended for us to be in control. Controlling things is His role, not ours. ‘My life is out of control!’ people have tearfully said to me at times in the counseling office. What they really meant was ‘My life is out of my control and I don’t like it!’             Imagine a baby holding a pair of new shoes in his hands. He is playing with them and happy they belong to him. His parent reaches down to take the shoes and put them on the child’s feet. All the child sees is that his shoes are being taken out of his hands. He doesn’t like it. He wants to control them and keep them in his hands, but he will never walk in them that way.             The parent takes the shoes from the hand of the child and the baby begins to cry. He is overwhelmed with anger, confusion and regret that his shoes are being taken from him. He screams. He kicks in protest. He is losing control of the thing he loves and wants to hold. He doesn’t understand what his parent is doing. But the parent understands and does what is necessary to enable the child to walk – whether the child likes it or even understands.             The goal is to enable the child to enjoy the shoes to the fullest by walking in them. The parent knows that if the shoes are used for their designed purpose, the child will truly benefit and not simply be amused by them.             Only a baby thinks the highest pleasure is to hold them in his hands. He doesn’t see the whole picture. So the parent overrules the baby’s wishes and does what is needful. Eventually the child will understand. When he does, he is thrilled, and more important than that, he walks. Do you want to walk? What are you holding onto that you need to release? Let it go. God knows what He is doing.”

This is an excellent article for parenting and dealing with the crisies of life. I pray for this rest and openness to genuinely let go of our way after working through the emotions individually/together with others.

Calgary’s Child – The Bully in All of Us:

“”My, you are very influential. How about doing that again and finding a way to include everyone?“”It seems the other children follow your direction, will you make sure they each get a turn?“”I see that being first in line is very important to you. As the leader, will you show the rest of the line how to wait patiently and quietly for the teacher?“”You are a real expert at this game! Will you show the other children how to play too?“”

This is an excellent article that takes punishment out of the equation. If offers excellent ideas on turning the negative into a positive. Since Jesus took away sin wouldn’t this be the best way to bless the identity of Jesus in a child?

Q&A: Relating with a mom whose son is on drugs and stealing from :

“You know, when your child fails so badly it goes right to the core of you. It is right THERE that you are tempted to view yourself according to the measuring stick of performance. ”Where did I fail?“ will become the REAL question behind a million others. Do you try to ”fix“ things in the hopes of making up for your failure? Do you take a ”stand“ against the ”evil influences“ and the ”evil doers“ in our society? Do you begin to wonder why your child doesn’t measure up to your own standards? Or do you beat yourself up because you are sure that he/she has become the thing you might have been? ”

This article poses good questions to get to the heart of the matter of parenting issues. There is a touching grieving poem with hope.

Q&A: Why do I still feel rejection when I know better?:

“ It’s going to hurt when it is
being demanded that you are inferior, less-than, below, beneath, of no
value, etc.  The good news is that the feeling brings focus and clarity
to the specific manifestation of the lie’s insistence.  You are put in
the most wonderful place of recognition of the life Christ, as it is
being demanded that even in this exact place where condemnation once
held you have you been set free!!  These wonderful feelings pinpoint or
undercover those former places of fear, shame, guilt, and condemnation,
etc so that you are being made aware of how all-emcompassing this
reality of life in Christ really is!”

This is a good article on our response to feeling a lack of love. We do not have to retaliate/judge. We just use it to grieve the past and give up lies that we are inferior.

Shovel Writings: Cold, Dead Fingers:

“Wow. I, too, had defined forgiveness by the human process I went through in attempting to ”let go of“ my hurt feelings or anger. But you’re right…in Christ, these offenses do not exist. The spiritual reality destroys the human formula. Our desire is therefore not for the ”how to,“ but rather to stay focused on Christ.
”

This is the only answer to all conflicts: STAY FOCUSED ON JESUS!!! EVEN THOUGH IT APPEARS THERE ARE OFFENCEANNOYANCES THEY DO NOT EXIST IN CHRIST. LORD do this is all of us, please!!! HE SAYS HE WILL.

Shovel Writings: Living In Sin:

“What kind of gospel leaves you in the
unknown regarding the very premise of the actual ”good news“ of Christ,
which is full confidence in one’s relationship to God through
Christ?  What kind of gospel causes you to think it’s all about
what you do or don’t do, when the good news declares that it’s not
about you at all but all about Christ and what he has done and is now
doing?  Do you see where I’m going with this?  Perhaps your
shame is linked to a ”gospel“ that is more about your successes and
failures than about Christ.”

This is an excellent article clearly stating the two positions. Either one lives under the condemnation of the law or lives out Christ. Both cannot be the Good News.

Shovel Writings: Reality or Psycho-Babble?:

“We are afraid of fear itself. We are afraid because of so many verses taken out of context and used to beat us up with until our hearts are bloody and raw and in agony, and then we fear even more.

It is a very good thing to be secure in our New Identity and realize that MOST fears come from the INsecurity we have been wallowing in and perpetuating for sooo long … fears based on deception and lies that we have fed ourselves and each other.

The GOOD NEWS of CHRIST, which is also OUR GOOD NEWS because of HIM and our NEW IDENTITY in HIM, is the only thing that soothes the pain of so much insanity and insecurity that we endure.
”

This fear feeling is the key difficulty in loving others and God. It is not about the other person at all. Most deep conflicts are not about another. If we do not surrender fears, these feelings reinterpret what we hear. Others feel unloved by distrust. We in turn feel guilty/alone or vice versa. The only solution is consciously resting in Jesus and our new identity on Him based on the true Good News. The basis of our fears is Finished as well.

Shovel Writings: Waiting for God:

“yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform.” (Romans 4:18-21)
If this proves anything, it shows that God does not see as a man sees. No, no, it’s not that He IGNORES reality, for He sees past the illusions and into the TRUE reality of the heart.
“In hope AGAINST hope he believed”. Do you not see the tension stated clearly in this man who was “waiting for God” to do what He promised? Somehow he was still believing even though he took matters into his own hands. We can argue it all we want, but it’s right there in our faces.“

This is an excellent article clearly explaining how one walks by faith not sight. We often are so caught up in insanity because we forget who we are in Him and what He has done on the cross.

Life After Miscarriage:

“Don’t blame yourself. The most common reasons women miscarry are missing pieces of genetic information in the fertilized egg or improper implantation of the baby into the uterine lining. Women don’t miscarry because they ate something they shouldn’t have, or didn’t take folic acid or get enough rest. Miscarriage is God’s way of making sure that when you do have a baby, it has the best chance for a healthy life. Though it may feel like it, it’s not a punishment.”

This is an encourging article sharing that women often feel to blame years after it has occurred. It has good suggestions to accept the lass through memorializing.

Shovel Writings: Just Listen (Michael Daniel):

“I kept seeing a glimmer of hope and light
when…you listened to me.

Your penetrating relevant words were evidence
that…you listened to me.

Your tender yet confident words were soothing
to my hurting heart because…you listened to me.

Many times you said not a word, but I knew
without a doubt…you listened to me.

Even in your silence I heard you say ”I love
you“ as…you listened to me.

I saw in your eyes the compassion of Christ
because…you listened to me.

Jesus Himself met me where I was as…you
listened to me.

Then, a miracle began to happen because…you
listened to me.

My own ears began to open because…you listened
to me.”

This is an excellent poem which shows the progression of healing pain. One needs to come to the end of himself/herself like the thief on the cross. By listening one comes to the stillness of rest/trust/love of Him in us.

Shovel Writings: A One-Word Sermon: Paul:

“So I thought I could see and I deep down didn’t care if I could hear
anyone else.  But grace (oh, what a phrase!)…but grace abounded for me
on that dusty road to Damascus where Christ transformed my seeing and
my hearing.  Christ blinded me initially so I could focus on hearing
His strong, yet tender voice.  And He called me by my old name, Saul. 
Imagine that, He called me by my name…my old sin-full, selfish name. 
How could the spotless Lamb of God speak such a dirty word as that? 
How could He love unconditionally like that?  That’s beyond me.  That’s
grace.  
Yes, He called me by my name…He called me by my name…He called me by my
name…I just can’t get over the truth that He called me by my
self-righteous name!  He met me where I was…in my self-righteousness. 
I am so grateful He called me even when I wasn’t willing to listen, and
especially when I didn’t deserve it.  
He called me by my name just as He calls each of His beloved friends by
their personal names…including each of you.  And He called each of us
through questions that only He could answer…and each of us were drawn
to the truth inside those questions…we each were drawn to Truth
Himself.  ”Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?“  ”Peter, do you
love Me?“  ”Philip, don’t you know I am the truth?“  ”Oh Thomas, don’t
you believe Me through my scars?“ ”

This is an interesting article encouraging the rest in God’s grace. I find it interesting that one can still question with emotion to surrender. It is still abiding/praying with Him in us. I wonder why if traditional Christianity teaches the centrality of confess sins that Paul did not do it in his writings. Only Saul did it before he was made new.

Shovel Writings: A Quick Synopsis:

“This is totally unexplanable since I am innocent in the matter, so I can do nothing but leave it in God’s hands.
To this:
Since I did nothing to bring this on what the hell is God doing!!??

”Then these three men ceased answering Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes.“

That’s when some young guy by the name of Elihu jumped in to tell Job
that he was tired of listening to Job flaunting his wisdom above God
while justifying himself before God.  Then God made himself known
to Job and also made it known that HE was the one who would speak for
Job.”

This is an excellent illustration of the progression of our thoughts/feelings to God giving His perspective.

Anger Busters for Kids:

“Model anger management. ”Mommy is feeling very angry right now, so I’m going to take time to be alone and get some self-control.Show respect. Don’t participate by calling names or getting physical.Give them words to express their anger. “I know you are disappointed, or sad or frustrated.”Identify with their pain. “I remember when I didn’t get to go to a party…”Set positive limits. Instead of saying, “Don’t you throw that doll,” say, “After you put the doll on the table, we can go have snack.”Redirect energy bursts that often come with anger. Encourage positive outlets like running, jumping, blowing into a horn or painting.Avoid power struggles with your child. They’re always lose-lose situations. If your goal is to control, you will teach him to control others.“

This article is excellent for mother, particularly with girls because one has to model it. In my opinion, time outs, focusing on the positive show grace not that a child has won. If one tries to control them by always having your way, they may tend to overcompensate by attempting to control their siblings/friends/you.

Shovel Writings: Devotion fading in view of Christ?:

“ I have had far more times
of awareness of Christ as being my life by NOT trying to make it
happen.  I have seen it when running to the beach to take photos of the
sunrise, or watching movies, or examining the legal system of the world
around me … even though I did not stop to pray or read the Bible
first.  I still love reading the Bible – at times, that is – and have
often found encouragement in the reading.  From time to time I have
caught myself wondering when the last time I prayed might have been,
often only to realize that I had been speaking to him already.  The
only thing that really kills my taking everything to God is when I
think I have to schedule it in order to make it happen.  You know,
scheduling things is probably not the source of the problem, rather it
is more than likely our belief in the power of scheduling, as if
scheduled life is true life.  I think he is found both in the schedule
and out of it.”

I like that this article points to the value of both positions. It is wise not to force our leadings of God. However their is also “Life” in some rituals. I believe that the confession one, which I do not agree with, has caused others to fear direction from a genuine relationship through grieving and surrender.

Substance Abuse:

“Other siblings negatively affected because the family is preoccupied or overwhelmed by consequences of drug user’s behavior.”

This is a good article outlining the progression which can happen if grief and our ways are not given to the Lord. An adult child may feel overwhelmed, shutdown, and not reach out for support if he/she has been neglected or worried about the parent’s emotions.

God’s Will for My Life Part 2 of 3:

“Excuse the cliché of a sports analogy, but I really think this’ll be helpful. Think of your life as a football game. The first 20 years could be thought of as your warm-ups — you’re getting ready for the game. The second 20 years is the first half of play. During your 40’s you make a few halftime adjustments, so that your second half — 50 and beyond — is strong and powerful. As a male (as is the case with females too), in each stage of”

This is a good guideline. we need to be open to redirection at any time in life I find.

God’s Will for My Life Part 3 of 3:

“The key to each fulfillment of calling was a willingness to say ”yes,“ and a trust in Him who calls. Maybe people recognize your skills, and maybe they don’t. The most important thing is that God knows what you are capable of, and will equip you for the task. All you have to do is take that first step of faith. Stay open to His direction and re-direction, and He will take you on an adventure that satisfies your unique design and surpasses your wildest dreams.Blessings,JOHN THOMAS

This is a good article which encourages one to seek their own answers with confirmation from others. Rather than getting discouraged and immobilized by confusion/unhelpful advise one needs to be open to being redirected.

I Never Knew You, Still I Love You:

“there were others who provided deep comfort. As hard as it was to repeat the story of our loss, our friends’ responses — prayer and practical help — lightened our burden. ”We understand that this is a real loss of a real child,“ wrote one, ”and that you are grieving. It is amazing how much sadness the heart can hold for someone whom one never got to know.“ These words, written by someone who lost a child to miscarriage years earlier, were further permission to grieve … and grieve deeply.”

This is a good article on giving others permission to grieve. It is unbelievable that one can feel grief/love more for one, who is not even known, compared to knowing a grandmother, in my case, all your life.

Miscarriage:

“Emotional effects of miscarriage vary among women and often take longer to heal than their physical counterparts. It’s common to experience extreme sadness, anger, guilt and anxiety about future pregnancies. There is no ”typical“ timeframe for emotional recovery; every woman experiences the grieving process in her own way and travels the road to healing at her own pace. While it’s important to allow time and personal ”space“ for grieving, if the grief becomes too overwhelming — leading to a more serious episode of depression and despondency —”

This is a good article outlining the feelings of miscarriage. The guilt must be vented/given to God in order to receive His perspective that will fully reveal healing.

The Health Benefits of Prayer:

“”People who are anxious, worried and depressed do poorly when they’re sick,“ Stevens said. ”Those with hope and peace in the midst of a [health] struggle seem to do much better. People with religious commitments have that hope and peace.“ Prayer brings a definite physiological benefit, noted Dr. Bob Orr, director of clinical ethics at Fletcher Allen Health Care, the teaching hospital for the University of Vermont. ”I certainly encourage people who are believers to pray,“ Orr said. ”My observation is the person who prays is less stressed. He becomes less anxious, and his blood pressure and pulse improve.“ Stevens pointed to one study which showed the risk of diastolic hypertension was 40 percent lower”

Our cares should be cast on the Lord not left in our bodies.

Effective Co-Parenting, Part Two:

“Schedule a monthly (perhaps more often) ”business“ meeting to discuss co-parenting matters. You can address schedules, academic reports, behavioral training and spiritual development. Do not discuss your personal life (or your ex’s); that part of your relationship is no longer appropriate. If the conversation turns away from the children, simply redirect the topic or politely end the meeting. If you cannot talk with your ex face to face due to conflict, use e-mail or speak to the answering machine. Do what you can to make your meetings productive for the children.”

This article offers good suggestions on not capitalizing on the hurt of others/your children to berate the other parent. It is important not to disappoint by being unreliable.

Effective Co-Parenting, Part Two:

“Schedule a monthly (perhaps more often) ”business“ meeting to discuss co-parenting matters. You can address schedules, academic reports, behavioral training and spiritual development. Do not discuss your personal life (or your ex’s); that part of your relationship is no longer appropriate. If the conversation turns away from the children, simply redirect the topic or politely end the meeting. If you cannot talk with your ex face to face due to conflict, use e-mail or speak to the answering machine. Do what you can to make your meetings productive for the children.”

This article offers good suggestion on effective co-parenting.

Effective Co-Parenting, Part One:

“Unfortunately, this put her in constant turmoil, as she was forced to choose which parent she would invite to certain events. If the other wanted to come but couldn’t, Julie heard that parent’s disappointment and felt guilty. ”Why can’t they just put aside their differences and tolerate a couple of hours in the same room?“ Good question.Because Terrance’s parents always ended up fighting on the phone, he became the middleman to their visitation arrangements. His mother stopped speaking to his father and asked Terrance, at age 9, to communicate her preferences for drop-off and pickup. Terrance had no choice but to oblige, since he enjoyed spending time with his father on weekends.In both these examples, children carried undue emotional anxiety and burden because their parents could not set aside their differences and act like adults.An effective co-parent arrangement for Julie’s parents would mean she could invite both parents to her recitals and not worry whether they were fighting or anxious. An effective arrangement for Terrance’s parents would include their finding a way to talk rationally about their schedules instead of triangulating Terrance.The bottom line is a system that allows children to be children and adults to be their parents.”

This is a good article regarding the confusing feelings of children from separation/divorce. It is best to only do email contact with a difficult ex in regards to children.

Sexual Abuse:

“Hypervigilance Anxiety and fearDysfunctional relationshipsSpiritual void or disillusionmentDifficulty concentrating Performance-based self-valueIntimacy problemsTrust issues”

This is a good list where one needs to come to the end of the way they are coping to deal with it, surrender to the Lord so His loving responses/hope emerges.

When Your Kids Divorce:

“For example, what about your child moving back home? Some counselors caution parents about the implications that come with putting out either a ”Vacancy“ or ”No Vacancy“ sign. Perhaps your child should explore other options, such as moving into a smaller apartment or taking on tenants, instead of returning home. How much financial or material support can/should you offer? Consider conditions on your help, such as whether your giving should be a gift or a loan, and for how long. Other legal and financial questions must also be considered, such as your will and raising grandchildren, directly or indirectly, if the need arises.”

This article focuses on adult children of divorce. It stresses blaming, especially of childcare decisions makes reconciliation difficult.

Feelings of Doubt and Uncertainty:

“Losing something leaves us feeling sad. But as we grow in our relationship with the person we committed to, the grief can turn to joy and contentment. It’s common for young couples to experience various levels of ‘buyer’s remorse.’ That was the case with Nicole and Ted. Nicole had waited for many years to find the right man to spend the rest of her life with. At age 33, she met Ted. Within 13 months they were married in her hometown of Atlanta. Though she was certain Ted was the man God had chosen for her, Nicole missed her independence. Often she felt sad, conflicted, confused, wondering whether she’d made the wrong decision about marriage.”

It is thinking in terms of the family instead of one that closeness/oneness occurs. It is vital i marriage. When this happens you will say I could not have married a better man, as I believe I did. You will enjoy your spouse in the fullest sense, as I do.

How to Help Your Child Cope With the Death of a Pet – eHow.com :

“Memorialize your pet in a way that is unique to your family. Plant a tree in your pet’s favorite spot in the garden, write down thoughts about fun times spent with the pet, draw pictures, or hang a favorite photo of the pet in your home for all of the family to share. STEP 8: Show your own grief. Children will grow to understand their own feelings better if they see that their sadness is shared by other family members.”

These are good suggestions for art/journalling therapy.

Haunted By His Absence :

“So, I spent much of my adolescence making my own rules, seeking my own way, and consequently hurting a lot of people.

There were the loyalties I broke, the girls I defrauded, and the responsibilities I neglected. I betrayed a friend by sleeping with his girlfriend. An aborted child could have been mine; I didn’t ask. And by the time I was a junior in high school, I was arrested for stealing; at the time, I had a pocket full of money earned at my summer job.

You could say I was arrested for being stupid. More precisely, though, my sins were maturing and controlling my life.”

This is a touching article on the effects of father abandonment. There is a hope in the fathering of God.

Focus on the Family Magazine: Facing Fears:

“I’m afraid you will die! Or I will, Ashley admits.

Children are sometimes afraid of being left alone or hurt in some way. If you don’t carefully monitor your child’s TV viewing, children take in horrid scenes of war, terrorist attacks and natural disasters. Some fear death when a parent is in the military.

Children are also bombarded with news of accidents, murders and fires. Some children will face traumas of their own, such as the death of loved ones or serious illnesses. Though many children are able to work through fear and grief, others can become emotionally paralyzed.”

This is a great article on grieving. I believe the line where it says that some people don’t follow God’s ways needs to be expressed differently. Perhaps instead of saying they are not following God’s ways. It could be stated that they are not making the best choice of allowing God’s ways in them. They are following their own. I also believe that the verse, Cast ALL your cares needs to take precedence over do not fear.

Clubhouse Magazine:

“On an average day in Judea, the disciples enjoyed a relaxing boat ride on the Sea of Galilee while Jesus took a nap. Suddenly a strong wind kicked up and gigantic waves began crashing over the boat. The disciples were sure they were about to die, so they shook Jesus awake. “Teacher,” they screamed, “don’t You care if we drown?”

Jesus spoke to the storm: “Quiet! Be Still!”

The disciples, wiping the salt spray from their eyes, stared in disbelief as the water went still.

“Who is this?” they murmured in amazement. “Even the wind and the waves obey Him!”


Did you see a common theme? In each of these situations, God used the storm to accomplish a specific purpose. Jonah learned obedience. Paul found people who needed help. The disciples discovered that Jesus was more than a man. And although the storms were scary, God was in control.

Isaiah 51:15 says: “For I am the LORD your God, who churns up the sea so that its waves roar.” Storms are an amazing display of God’s power. And because He controls nature, He can end a storm as quickly as He allowed it to start: “You rule over the surging sea; when its waves mount up, you still them” (Psalm 89:9).

Storms of Life
The Bible uses the storm as a picture of hard times in our lives. These life storms may include danger, sickness, persecution or the death of a loved one. When hard times come, people sometimes feel as if their circumstances, like giant waves or howling winds, are about to destroy them.”

This is a good basic article of the purpose of grieving.
When we tell Jesus our fears, He will bring the stillness.

The Angry Child: Managing Anger:

“Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” The goal is not to ignore or suppress anger but to manage it. Teaching your child to recognize and control anger will greatly help him in his relationships now and as an adult. Here are ways to manage anger:

Acknowledge it. Many times people wrongly assume if they ignore anger it will go away. Some generations were taught to ignore emotions because expressing them (especially anger, sadness or fear) was deemed as “giving in” to negative feelings. Producing a stoic automaton is not the goal of anger management. It’s okay to admit when you’re angry. The problem comes in giving “full vent” to anger. Proverbs calls this person a fool. Defuse it. The best way to defuse anger is to talk about it. Encourage your child to discuss with you the things that make him angry. Often these feelings result from real or perceived injustice. Sometimes disappointment mushrooms into anger. Help him distinguish between feeling angry and acting angrily. Acting out anger in the form of aggressive or destructive behavior only accelerates it.”

This article gives a double message. I have found it helpful with my daughter to have her picture Jesus and tell him about the anger, what caused it, what ideas He has to manage it.Saying I would like to do it this way but I want Your way, God.

Effective Co-Parenting: Guidelines for Cooperation:

“When children have confusing or angry feelings toward your ex, don’t capitalize on their hurt and berate the other parent. Listen and help them to explore their feelings without trying to sway their opinions with your own. If you can’t make positive statements about the other parent, strive for neutral ones. Children should have everything they need in each home. Don’t make them bring basic necessities back and forth. Special items, like clothes or a comforting teddy bear, can move back and forth as needed. Try to release your hostility toward the other parent so that the children can’t take advantage of your hard feelings. Manipulation is much easier when ex spouses don’t cooperate. Do not disappoint your children with broken promises or by being unreliable. Do what you say, keep your visitation schedule as agreed, and stay active in their life. Make your custody structure work for your children even if you don’t like the details of the arrangement. Update the other when changes need to be made to the visitation schedule. Also, inform the other parent of any change in job, living arrangements, etc. which may require an adjustment by the children.”

Family.org – Focus Over Fifty – Family Therapist Cites Scars Of Divorce:

“His adult clients who were children when their parents divorced commonly express one or more of four effects divorce has had on their lives, which may not be articulated or even recognized until the victim reaches adulthood: First, they’re likely to say, ‘I feel as if I lost my childhood.’ Looking back, the victim of divorce realizes he experienced a sudden loss of innocence and security. He thinks, I was a kid, and then suddenly I had to start dealing with grownup things. Second, he is likely to blame himself. He wonders, If I had been a better kid, would Mom and Dad have stayed married? He feels guilty until maturity helps him see that Mom and Dad’s problems had nothing to do with him. Third, he often struggles with loyalty, asking himself Who do I support? He doesn’t know how to cope when one parent or the other shows bitterness and anger. Finally, he wonders, What do I tell my friends? Dr. Crankshaw says today’s divorcing parents rarely realize they are embarrassing their children, but embarrassment is still a prevalent emotion.”

Teenage Heartbreak:

“A person’s faith is also a good indicator as to the health of the relationship, Matt says. If a guy doesn’t love you for your faith, character and personality, then he’s more than likely with you for other reasons. You can tell how a guy really feels about you by how he treats you, by the things he says to you, and how he chooses to show his affection for you. Don’t forget to check your faith, too. If you don’t have a strong relationship with Jesus Christ, take the time to grow that before you get involved with a new relationship. When things get tough and your feelings start to get overwhelming, remember these wise words of Eleventyseven: Guys and girls may break your heart but [God will] always be there. “

This is a good basic article on determining if a guy genuinely likes you. It is an encouraging reminder that even strong feelings will decline with new circumstances. I also feel grieving is needed.

A Fresh View of Blue: Thoughts on Depression :

“The Catholic theologian Henri Nouwen believed that our wounds can be a source of healing for others. Not only do they help us to become compassionate, but they humble us. As we work toward healing in our own lives, we can help bring healing to others.

For Smith, part of integration involved accepting the fact that depressive episodes might come and go for the rest of his life. In the same way that an alcoholic must come to terms with the unhealthy way in which their body responds to alcohol, so too, a person who is prone to depression can prepare themselves for the possibility of another bout later on.

Perhaps the most hopeful aspect of this book is that Smith (after losing a job and a girlfriend) ultimately becomes realistic. He realizes that he may not ever be able to work a typical 40-hour week, although he can lead a productive life. He marries a woman who is able to be primary breadwinner, and he works from home writing, cooking, cleaning and gardening. Both he and his wife thrive. Although their solution is obviously not workable for all, his realism is refreshing.

He’s not the only person who has struggled with depression and found a way to a productive, if unconventional life. Historically, many of the people who made the greatest contributions to society struggled with depression or bipolar disorder, including Michelangelo, Isaac Newton, Emily Dickenson, Gerard Manley Hopkins, and Winston Churchill. Two of our nation’s most influential presidents also suffered from mental illness – Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt.”

Talk To Yourself:

“Scientists have discovered that self-talk sends the same chemical messages to your brain as actual experiences do. In other words, a negative thought can make you feel as awful as a bad experience. And unfortunately, most of us have lots of negative self-talk chattering away in our heads. Positive self-talk, on the other hand, can help you appreciate yourself, set goals and handle problems. But learning to “Chear” your own self-talk and then changing the negative messages to positive ones takes practice. Think of it as training for a big event. Practice increases the odds of success. Fight Back With Questions Certain thoughts can trigger a flood of negative emotions, leaving you frustrated, angry or unhappy. Fight back by asking yourself questions. For example: Words/Phrases To Watch Out For I have to . . . Ask Yourself: Why do I have to? What will happen if I don’? I can’t . . . Why? Do I want to? What will it take to learn how to do this? What am I afraid might happen? This isn’t fair . . . Is it really unfair? Why? What can I do to influence a change? I never . . . Really? Or does it just feel that way now?”

I believe part of this is good, yet it doesn’t address needing God’s perspective to counter the lies. /

Husbands and Wives: Toward Spiritual Awareness:

” This is typical of Jesus. First, He attracts us to Himself until we long to know Him more intimately, and then He reveals Himself to us more and more as we respond to the knowledge we already have of Him. Our Personal Circumstances We can easily become so preoccupied with our own circumstances that Jesus seems to get lost in the shuffle. The disciples walking the Emmaus Road with Christ were bogged down in their despair about His crucifixion. When Jesus came near them, all they could see were their seemingly adverse circumstances. To call them shortsighted is an understatement. They could see only the superficial – the natural elements - and were blind to the supernatural. Their interpretation of life made no room for the possibility of a Divine breakthrough into their situation.”

Letter to a Christmas Christian : “(Large numbers of self-proclaimed Christians tell pollsters they don’t believe in hell.) In short, we don’t really need a Savior, just a little helping hand. Naturally, no one of us who buys into this self-serving imaginary theology wants to meet the real Christ. The real Christ, after all, talks constantly of our deep and thorough sinfulness, and leaves no room for any conceit about our own virtue. Moreover, He insists that He is the only path to salvation - and He means not merely behaving ourselves in accordance with some of His teachings, but trusting in His atoning work on the cross.”

This article has a few good points. One is that we you get real with your faith that constant uneasy feeling that you are lying to yourself, that you are afraid to face the truth will be gone.

Family.org: Pregnancy Resource Ministry: “Fifteen years have passed and only recently have I experienced emotional and spiritual freedom. I share my story, not to exalt my pain, but to exalt God, who heals. I want to encourage women with similar pasts because many post-abortive women feel they’re the “only one.” And, I want to share keys to open the door to God’s healing and hope.”

How to deal with the memory, guilt and pain of an abortion.

Smart Stepparenting: Recognize the Losses of Your Stepchildren

Here are just a few changes that bring loss to children:

not wanting parents to divorcenot wanting to change residences or move between two homes a new stepparent they didn’t ask for and the death of the dream of parental reconciliationnew stepsiblings

Economics, and Other Excuses is behavior has been dishonoring to everyone involved. He’s defrauded you by taking advantage of your affections while dating another. He’s defrauded his girlfriend by being double- minded: looking to you for certain of his needs to be met apart from his relationship with her (such behavior would be considered an emotional affair if he were married). And in so doing, he’s revealed the weakness of his own character. Not to mention the way all of this dishonors God.

Despite your emotions toward him, on a rational level surely you can see that his behavior is what we would have, in an earlier day, ascribed to a cad.

He has proven himself unworthy of your loyalty. Even if he dropped his girlfriend today and asked you to marry him tomorrow, why would you willingly align with a man who doesn’t recognize (or if he recognizes it, doesn’t think it’s wrong to embrace) unfaithfulness?

TrueU.org | Women’s Hall: A Single Blessing

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised” (1:21, NIV). Job did not sin when he was afflicted. He questioned God, he searched for answers, he came close to cursing God. But he didn’t. I sometimes wonder if Job meant it when he praised God that day. I wonder if he could truly praise God in the midst of his grief. Either way, he did it. He worshipped his God, who had the ability to give and take away. He accepted the good and the bad. He realized that his circumstances did not change the goodness of God’s character.

Family.org — Focus Over Fifty — Obesity: Battling the Middle-age Spread

First is the emotional and spiritual component. Researchers have found that the root cause of overeating is an the attempt to meet emotional needs such as unconditional love, significance and security.

Cognitively, food feels like it nurtures us, giving us a sense of control, and a false belief that we are not being deprived. This pseudo-comfort dissipates as soon as we consume our fill of food, often leaving us feeling unloved, out of control and empty. Obviously eating is not the solution for emotional starvation; Christ is our answer.

Begin all lifestyle changes with prayer. Whenever you feel the urge to eat and you know you’re not hungry, seek God’s comfort. Pray and ask Him to show you clearly the difference between emotional and physical hunger, and act accordingly. Keeping a prayer journal. Expressing your emotions freely may help you let them go and turn them over to God.

TrueU.org | Women’s Hall: A Single Blessing

through the tears and with much resistance, I grudgingly decided to praise God for this time in my life. Right there on my bed, through hiccupy sobs, I glorified Him for my singleness, and I asked Him to make me thankful for it. “I praise you for this season of my life,

This is a good article on the honesty of praying continuously with no apparent blessing.

Rachel’s Tears

He never let a day go by without us embracing,” Rachel told me. “He helped me to remember that we needed to embrace each moment we had together. That may be part of the reason I’m able to let him go and accept his death — we lived our marriage as a gift.”

Preparing for Adolescence: Stemming the Tide of Peer Pressure

When we become controlling, authoritarian parents, we suffocate our children and cause them to resent us. The jaws of the peer group are just waiting for a kid who is easily controlled. So our job is not to create a controllable kid who will be devoured by his peers. When a tween/teen does not have something positive to identify with and has no say so over his life, he is more likely to grow up with a nagging feeling that he needs to “find himself.” These adolescents — when they grow up and have families of their own — are more prone to leaving their spouse and kids in a pursuit to finally “find themselves.” They end up chasing rainbows that don’t even exist.

How to Help Your Child Grieve:

Cherish the memories. Continue to talk about the loved one who died. Look through photo albums, talk about funny things the deceased said or reminisce about pleasant experiences.

When Your Child Is Wounded: How to Pray for Your Child

When my child is hurt by others, please give me an abundant measure of peace, compassion, strength, grace and wisdom to talk about this with my son/daughter. Help me to sense in my own heart whenever he/she has been wounded.

Focus on the Family Magazine: Standing in the Gap

My son was just 5 years old when his father and I separated, and my son was very angry. He had been witness to two prior separations and audience to the disintegration of our relationship.

This is a great article to pour out anger/sadness to God about wanting a real parent.

Focus on the Family Magazine: Desert Places

If your spouse is in the midst of a trial, cling to God and try to understand more of what your partner is feeling.

This is an encouraging resource of how to pray when in a spiritual desert place.

Focus on the Family Magazine: Not So Happily Ever After

Physically used and emotionally abused, a seemingly God-forgotten Hagar fled to the wilderness — and God found her.

This article is encouraging as it talks about God pursuing us even when we are not even looking for Him. It also stresses God’s challenge to look at family of origin issues. The Lord doesn’t always change others or our circumstances but changes our view.He is the perfecter of our faith if we humbly surrender or experiences in grief.

Focus on the Family Magazine: Not So Happily Ever After

Physically used and emotionally abused, a seemingly God-forgotten Hagar fled to the wilderness — and God found her.

This article is encouraging as it talks about God pursuing us even when we are not even looking for Him. It also stresses God’s challenge to look at family of origin issues. The Lord doesn’t always change others or our circumstances but changes our view.He is the perfecter of our faith if we humbly surrender or experiences in grief.