Session Notes

Session Notes:

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The God Who Speaks – July 7, 2006 I was gearing up for soul-restoration, not issues-exploration. But Cam is usually right, so I kept my eyes open and asked the Lord for a strategy. Sure enough, not long into my “breather”, up came some “stuff” that wants to bully me towards isolation. How do you rest when old insecurities, temptations, or “demons” rise up when you finally still your heart? Or am I the only one who didn’t automatically get all his shortcomings washed away at baptism? If not, read on:

The Lord showed me that during a time of rest, first of all, I don’t need to go digging for my issues. They will surface on their own, thankyou very much.

Second, when they surface, I don’t need to work at fixing things. Rather, I can sit WITH them in HIS PRESENCE, allowing them to RIPEN. That way, instead of running around the tree of my life picking off old “bad” fruit, I can sit at the tree of HIS LIFE /the Cross) and let the fruit simply rot and fall off. I found that this took some patience and a little courage. But to extend the tree analogy, it was a reminder that Christ is the Pruner… not me. And if you give Him a chance, He is faithful to do it. I hardly had to help him; my role was to simply ripen in His presence. SOOO restful… in fact, the biggest breakthrough came just this morning through a one-minute dream. It was Jesus, teaching me “the unforced rhythms of grace” (Matt. 11:28 MSG).

And third, it dawned on me, “Why don’t I ALWAYS take this approach?” Perhaps there is a time to take the initiative and really pursue one’s healing ruthlessly and thoroughly… but I’ll ask Jesus about that later. After my rest. In the mean time, can I challenge you to ask the Lord if there’s anything “in your face” that He’d like to have ripen in His presence.

Brad Jersak

This is an inspiring article!!! I pray we can allow God to reveal His healing love to us, our families, friends, clients, churches, school, and world.

Steve McVey:

“‘My feelings were aroused for him’ (5:4). That happened to us all when Jesus swept us off our feet and we trusted Him.

Don’t think it irreverent to view Christ in a romantic way. He is the One who calls us His bride. He is the One who wrote to us in terms of passion and romance. We simply respond to Him. ‘We love Him because He first love us’ (1 John 4:19). We didn’t initiate or set the pace for this relationship. He did. We have simply responded to His irresistible charm, affirming by faith, ‘My beloved is mine and I am His’ (Song of Solomon 2:16)! Like every new bride, our profession of faith in Him is nothing less than the thrilling realization that, ‘I am my beloved’s and his desire is for me’ (7:10, emphasis added)!

I didn’t imagine the idea of the dance as a literary metaphor to describe your relationship to Him. That is how He described it. In Zephaniah 3:17, the Bible says, ‘He will exult over you with joy’ (emphasis added). Strong’s Concordance defines the word ‘exult’(sometimes translated ‘rejoice’) in the following way: ‘To spin around under the influence of a violent emotion.’

One character quipped, ‘I grew up in a church where we were taught that premarital sex was wrong because it might lead to dancing, and now you tell me that the Lord dances over me??’ It’s true, He does. The love of Jesus Christ for you is not just a ‘gentle Jesus, meek and mild’ kind of love. It is a love filled with passion. It is a love that caused your Prince Charming to wield His sword (of the Spirit) and fight the dragon (the devil, see Revelation 12:9) for you!

His love for you is great! One might say that the love of Jesus for you could be X-rated, not because of impurity, but because of intensity. Does that idea make you feel uncomfortable? It shouldn’t, because He really does love you with an intensity beyond human comprehension. You are the pearl of great price for which He paid everything He owned in order to possess you. (See Matthew 13:45-46)

I pray this love for us/clients/schools/the world in all our intimate relationships, especially receiving it from our Father/Mother God.

Steve McVey:

” If the spirit of Picasso rested within you, a great desire to paint would continually motivate you toward the canvass. The knowledge of who was within you would be all the motivation you needed. The good news of grace is that Jesus Christ is in you.”

This is a powerful visionary article on the way the J.C’s Spirit of grace/truth transforms us. May it be so for me, my family, friends, clients, and world.

Steve McVey:

“. If the world only understood the truth about the love of Father, so many more would come to Him in faith. Sadly, their understanding is often a distorted caricature of who He really is. One reason it is so important to understand and accept your Father’s love is because we all eventually become like the whatever we imagine God to be. People trapped in legalism see God as a judgmental, cosmic eye-in-the-sky who is watching and waiting for them to mess up in the way they live. They imagine that how they behave is what matters most to Him. Consequently, that’s the kind of person they become in the way they relate to other people. They become harsh parents, demanding friends, dictator-type pastors, etc. “

I pray we understand and accept God’s unconditional love for us/our family/friends/clients/world as well.

Being Broken From The Need To Control – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“Relax, and enjoy your journey. Rest in your Father’s sovereignty. Your life is an adventure, planned and performed by Him. We grow weary when we try to do what He alone can do. It is through our trials that He will lift our controlling need to be in charge. We must see that we are not in charge, but God alone determines and controls the unfolding of our destiny. Control is an arena for which we are not suited. Our Father, on the other hand, is perfectly suited for that role. So let go. Lay down your life for His sake and you will find it. Cling to your own life and you will lose it. Zoe (an authentic, abundant life) is yours. Don’t forfeit it for bios (biological life, mundane existence). If that is your deep desire, join in heartfelt agreement with this prayer: Father, move in me and through me to lay down my agenda and my control and trust You alone. Thank you that You will complete the work you have begun in me. I yield my circumstances to You and ask You to teach me to trust You more through all of it. Bring me to maturity, according to Your plan.”

THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL ARTICLES!!! I PRAY WWHEN WE, OUR FAMILIES, FRIENDS, CLIENTS, SCHOOLS, AND WORLD FEEL BROKEN HEARTED THAT WE REST to feel content in all circumstances according to HIS PLAN.

Overcoming A Bad Family Background – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“Don’t be held captive by your past. It isn’t necessary to pretend your heritage is something other than what it really was, but you don’t have to be held back by it. When Jesus Christ gave you His life, His past became your past. You received a new heritage. The new you has been in Him since the foundation of the world. (See Ephesians 1:4) You aren’t who you used to be. (See 2 Corinthians 5:17) You aren’t the sum of your family’s past. You are who God made you to be – a divine work of art (see Ephesians 2:10), endowed with supernatural potential (see Philippians 4:13). In Christ, your future is as bright as the promises of God! Don’t allow yourself to be trapped by lies which suggest that you’ll never make it in life. You will make it because you have been delivered from your background. Your future hinges on the loving faithfulness of God and He can be trusted. The Psalmist wrote: ‘Your goodness is so great! You have stored up blessings for those who honor you. You have done so much for those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world!’ (Psalm 31:19) “

This is an inspiring article! I pray this article for us, our families, friends, schools, clients, and world.

It’s All Him – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“Have you ever noticed our tendency to push ourselves into the starring role of the stories told in the Bible? For instance, consider the story of ‘the good Samaritan.’ Most sermons I’ve ever heard about that text makes the main application be that ‘we shouldn’t be like the lawyer or the priest who passed by the wounded man without helping him. We should be like the good Samaritan.’ In reality, that’s not the meaning of the story. It’s not a moral lesson that the Bible is trying to teach us here. Through that story, Jesus was teaching us about Himself. The main lesson isn’t that we are to help the pitiful, helpless man. It’s that we are the pitiful, helpless man. Jesus is the Good Samaritan who found us after legalism and devout religion didn’t lift a finger to help us.”

I pray the Spirit teaches us that it is all about Jesus as Saviour and not us.

The People Pleasers – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“God gives you the desires of your heart. He places them there, but if you don’t know who you are you may spend your whole life trying to fulfill other people’s plan for your life. Many a frustrated Christian has struggled with finding fulfillment in life because they’re trying to be something and do something they’ve never been called by God to do. The meaning of grace, in part, is ‘divine enablement.’ By His grace, God enables you to be all that He has called you to be and do all that He has called you to do. But remember this: His grace doesn’t empower you to be and do what somebody else has called you to do. Who God has made you to be is wonderful, so you must resolve to be that person. Any effort to be somebody else is an affront to God because it suggests that you (or others) better know who you’re supposed to be and what you’re supposed to be doing. Don’t live for other people. It will wear you out. Instead, live from the identity in Christ that your Father has given you. Then you will be free to be and do all that you were designed for. The Apostle Paul once said, ‘I’m not trying to be a people-pleaser!”

This is a good article except the pleasing God section and some law. I pray we do not hamper the SPIRIT IN OTHERS BY OUR EXPECTATIONS FOR THEM.

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Forgiving Ourselves – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“‘I know that God has forgiven me, but I just can’t forgive myself,’ someone recently said to me after describing a recent period of time in his life when he had made the choice to repeatedly commit the same sin again and again. As Christians always do, he had finally reached the place where he couldn’t stand the thought of living like that for the rest of this life. So he cried out to his Deliverer and the cycle of sin was broken. The foolish behavior was now a thing of the past, but he couldn’t disconnect from it mentally and emotionally. A sense of guilt and self-condemnation was draining him of his energy, enthusiasm and joy. He wasn’t still committing the sin, but was as miserable as he had been when he was. ‘So you do believe that God has forgiven you?’ I asked. ‘Yes,’ he answered, ‘but I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done. I’ve been a Christian long enough to know better.’ After we had talked awhile and nothing I said seemed to be sinking in, I finally asked him, ‘Do you think you’re better than God?’ ‘What do you mean?’ he asked. ‘I mean that if the blood of Christ is sufficient for God to look at you and say, ‘Forgiven,’ what will it take for you to forgive yourself? If the death of Jesus Christ on the cross for this sin you committed isn’t enough for you, what will it take? You’ve set a standard for yourself that is obviously higher than the one God has set.’”

This is a great encouragement to allow children the grace for God to change them! There is no need for guilt/drivenness. May it be so for the world.

Canned Goods and Closed Hearts – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“My parent’s generation had known what is was like to be without food. Consequently, somewhere deep inside them a voice must have said, ‘I will never be caught without enough food to eat again.’ Thus, the massive inventory of canned goods. Come what may in life, there would be food in the cabinets. I think that’s how many of us face most areas of our lives. We have faced circumstances at times that created a sense of loss or need within us. Because the situation was painful, somewhere deep inside us, we said, ‘This won’t ever happen to me again.’ So we hoarded what we have and shut the cabinet door. We went into the self-protection mode. Some were hurt by a friend and have now closed the door on vulnerability. They’ll never trust another person as a true friend. Others have had a marriage go sour. Today, they won’t completely open up to their mate because of fear. If they give everything, they risk losing everything again. Some were burned at church. Now, they have lumped all churches in the same hypocritical pile and won’t become an integral part of a church fellowship. The hurts differ, but the response is common. Shut the door of my heart and don’t risk losing what I have or being hurt. After all, if it happened once, . . . What ‘great depression’ have you experienced in life? What commodity did you feel you had taken from you when you needed it most? Was it trust? Love? Friendship? What have you lost? As a result have you tried to stuff those things deep inside you that you don’t want to ever lose again? Are you fearful to take them out? Have you resolved that you’ll never find yourself in that kind of situation again?”

This is a great article which describes what happens when a person who has been hurt in turn hurts another. I pray J.C’s Spirit will teach the us, our families, friends, clients, schools, and world to be vlulnerable again in life. God show us other’s hearts/hurts so we will not feel a hint of judgement.

Heavenly Father, I Am Your Child – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“Every blessing in Christ Jesus is already mine. (See Ephesians 1:3) By faith, I will enter in to the grace-filled walk that you have prepared for me. (See Romans 5:2) I am everything you say I am. (See1 Corinthians 15:10) I can do everything you have called me to do. (See Philippians 4:13) I can have all that you have called me to have. (See Psalm 84:11) My days will only grow brighter.(See Proverbs 4:18) Your favor is upon me and will never leave me.(See Lamentations 3:22-23) Nothing that comes my way can harm me. (See Isaiah 54:17) You orchestrate my circumstances so that everything works out for my good. (See Romans 8:28)  Without wavering, I will hold tightly to the hope I say I have, because You can be trusted to keep your Promise. (See Hebrews 3:23)”

This is beautiful! I pray Jesus’ Spirit teaches/reminds/lives these promises through us, our families, friends, schools, clients, and world every moment!

A Love Letter From Your Father – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

” I will do something new. Do you want to see it? I will make a way when there is no way. (43:18-19) I will go before you and make the rough places smooth. I will shatter the barriers that block your way and will give you treasures, wealth from secret places so that you will know that it is I, the Lord God “

This is so inspiring!!! I pray Jesus’ Spirit continues to teach us, our family, friends, clients, and world it!

Kudzu Christians – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

” until we receive glorified bodies, we each possess the power of indwelling sin in our bodies. (See Romans 7:21-23) As we trust Christ at each moment, His life empowers us to walk in victory. However, when we fail to depend on Him, we yield ourselves to the power of sin.”

The is a very good article on God revealing healing. However it needs to be read in light of Jesus taking away sin and it’s power by us being open to it/Him by faith. May it be so that we depend of Jesus every moment to experience the victory.

When We Feel Nothing – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“hen we feel nothing, God’s grace shines brightest. It’s one thing to trust Him when everything is going our way, but when circumstances close in on us, trusting Him is evidence of supernatural grace flowing through us. Do you find yourself not feeling the ‘joy of the Lord’ the way you want? If so, be assured you’re at a place where the current of grace can run deeper and wider than usual in you. Whether you feel His presence or not, just trust Him. Be assured that He knows the path you are walking and He is quietly walking it with you. Cling to Jesus and know that the Sun will shine again for one simple reason – Great is His faithfulness.  ”

I pray the spirit would teach us/the world the comfort of His grace in our painful times.

Just Play – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“Joyfully embrace every day and live with the certainty that your Father’s heart is set on you and on the purpose of thrilling you with His love. Let Him love the bondage of adulthood from your heart until it is filled only with a childlike attitude that trusts Him and embraces the world with enthusiasm.”

This is a great article that highlights the faith we are to have like some aspects children possess. May it be so that we, our family, friends, clients, and the world allow THE SPIRIT to facilitate it rather than try to get the understanding ourselves.

Hemochromatosis:

“What are the symptoms of hemochromatosis? Joint pain is the most common complaint of people with hemochromatosis. Other common symptoms include fatigue, lack of energy, abdominal pain, loss of sex drive, and heart problems. However, many people have no symptoms when they are diagnosed. If the disease is not detected and treated early, iron may accumulate in body tissues and eventually lead to serious problems such as arthritis liver disease, including an enlarged liver, cirrhosis, cancer, and liver failure damage to the pancreas, possibly causing diabetes heart abnormalities, such as irregular heart rhythms or congestive heart failure impotence early menopause abnormal pigmentation of the skin, making it look gray or bronze thyroid deficiency damage to the adrenal glands [Top] How is hemochromatosis diagnosed? A thorough medical history, physical examination, and routine blood tests help rule out other conditions that could be causing the symptoms. This information often provides helpful clues, such as a family history of arthritis or unexplained liver disease. Blood tests can determine whether the amount of iron stored in the body is too high. The transferrin saturation test reveals how much iron is bound to the protein that carries iron in the blood. Transferrin saturation values higher than 45 percent are considered too high. The total iron binding capacity test measures how well your blood can transport iron, and the serum ferritin test shows the level of iron in the liver. If either of these tests shows higher than normal levels of iron in the body, doctors can order a special blood test to detect the HFE mutation, which will confirm the diagnosis. If the mutation is not present, hereditary hemochromatosis is not the reason for the iron buildup and the doctor will look for other causes. A liver biopsy may be needed, in which case a tiny piece of liver tissue is removed and examined with a microscope. The biopsy will show how much iron has accumulated in the liver and whether the liver is damaged. Hemochromatosis is considered rare and doctors may not think to test for it. Thus, the disease is often not diagnosed or treated. “

Nutritional Sources of Iron:

“Food Sources of Iron: Almonds Apricots Avocados Beets (and greens) Black cherries Blackstrap molasses Brewer’s yeast Broccoli, raw Cereals Chicken Cocoa powder Cod Dates Dried fruit Dulse Eggs Enriched breads Fish Green leafy vegetables Haddock Kelp Kidney beans Lentils Lima beans Liver Meat Millet Offal Peaches Pears Peas, fresh, cooked Poultry Prunes (dried) Pumpkins Raisins Rice and wheat bran Sesame seeds Shellfish Soybeans Spinach, raw, chopped Sunflower seeds Turkey Watercress Wheat bran Whole grains   Herb Sources of Iron: Alfalfa Burdock root Catnip Cayenne Chamomile Chickweed Chicory Dandelion Dong Quai Eyebright Fennel seed Fenugreek Horsetail Kelp Lemongrass Licorice Milk thistle seed Mullein Nettle Oat straw Oysters Paprika Parsley Peppermint Plantain Raspberry leaf Rose hips Sarsaparilla Shepherd’s purse Uva ursi Yellow dock  ”

Restless Leg Syndrome Is Not An Opiate Deficiency | PromolifeNews.com:

“The medical community is a bit dumbfounded by RLS, partly because the people who suffer from it have difficulty explaining the sensations they are experiencing and partly because doctors consider the condition a minor annoyance with little reason to take it seriously. RLS, or Ekbom’s Syndrome, is considered a neurological condition which effects some segments of the population more than others. Women, the elderly and obese people appear to have a higher incidence of RLS than others. There seems to be a genetic factor as well. Right now the medical community is of the belief that RLS is caused by a dopamine imbalance in the brain. As many know, dopamine helps to control moods or create a sense of wellbeing. What many don’t know is that dopamine also plays a part in the body’s ability to move. Iron is essential in the production of dopamine so more naturalistic doctors are treating RLS with iron supplements to increase dopamine production. Other doctors are going straight for the drug cabinet. Three of the most common kinds of drugs used are Dopaminergic Agents, widely used to treat Parkinson’s Disease because they regulate muscle action; Benzodiazepines that help suppress muscle action; and Opiates because of their ability to relax the person.”

Restless Legs Syndrome Support Group – DailyStrength:

“All people with RLS should have their ferritin levels tested; ferritin levels should be at least 50 mcg for those with RLS. Oral iron supplements, taken under a doctor’s care, can increase ferritin levels. For some people, increasing ferritin will eliminate or reduce RLS symptoms. At least 40% of people will not notice any improvement, however. IV iron is being tested at the US Mayo Clinic as a method of treating RLS. It is dangerous to take iron supplements without first having ferritin levels tested, as many people with RLS do not have low ferritin and excess iron in the body can cause hemochromatosis, a very dangerous condition. “

How to Stop Restless Leg Syndrome | eHow.com:

“How to Stop Restless Leg Syndrome Contributor By Alicia Bodine eHow Contributing Writer Article Rating: (0 Ratings) Legs If you can’t seem to stop moving your legs moving around, or your legs are experiencing pain or discomfort on a regular basis, you could have Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS). This syndrome has now become more widely recognized, which means that there are many new treatments for it. If you have Restless Leg Syndrome, you can put a stop to it. Email Print Article   Add to Favorites Flag Article Difficulty: Moderate Instructions Things You’ll Need: Leg stretches Body pillow Calcium Magnesium Zinc Hot bath Heating pad Medications Step 1 Stretch your legs before you go to bed. You will need to spend at least 10 to 15 minutes stretching out your legs. This alone has been known to get rid of restless leg syndrome. This is because most people experience symptoms as night when their legs are cramping up, and stretching prevents this. Step 2 Place a body pillow between your legs when you go to bed at night. You will need to be either on your left side or your right side. Lying on your back can contribute to Restless Leg Syndrome, so by laying on your side with your legs apart, you can eliminate all symptoms of RLS. Step 3 Take a calcium, magnesium and zinc supplement before bed. These minerals will stop your muscles from cramping up when taken on a regular basis. Step 4 Stay away from caffeine products after dinner. Stop using alcohol and tobacco all together. These affect many things in your body, and will make you more susceptible to cramping. Step 5 Take a hot bath or use a heating pad on your legs before going to sleep. The heat will stimulate circulation and keep your legs from cramping up. Step 6 Get a prescription from your doctor. Your doctor may choose to put you on something like Clonazepam and Diazepam. These drugs have side affects, so you should try all of the other steps first.”

Sometimes a good massage therapist specializing in this condition is helpful.

Achieve a Deep, Uninterrupted Sleep: Nighttime Habits | Sleep | Reader’s Digest:

“Blessed sleep — the holy grail of health. Lack of sleep can send your blood sugar levels skyrocketing, contribute to weight gain, lead to depression, put you at risk for diabetes, and cause brain damage. Sleep deprivation can alter your levels of thyroid and stress hormones, potentially affecting everything from your memory to your immune system, heart, and metabolism. That’s just the warm-up. Sleep deprivation can alter your levels of thyroid and stress hormones, potentially affecting everything from your memory to your immune system, heart, and metabolism. Of course, lack of sleep can kill you instantly — as when you run your car off the road because you’ve dozed at the wheel (an estimated 71,000 people are injured in fall-asleep crashes each year). In fact, studies find that if you’ve been awake through the night, it’s as if you had a performance impairment equal to .10 percent blood alcohol content, more than enough to get you arrested for drunk driving in most states. “

Learning to Receive God’s Love – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“Imagine Jesus walking into the room where you are right now. He walks across the room and stands directly in front of you. He reaches out and puts His arms around you, and pulls you close to Himself to hug you. Relax. Still your busy mind. Just rest in His embrace. He gently presses His face against your own and quietly whispers in your ear, ‘I love you so much. Do you know how proud I am of you? I love you more than you can possibly know. Sh-h-h. Be still and know that I love you.’ Listen to Him. Wait until you sense an inner calmness. Ask Him to speak a personal word, just to you. Listen. Do you hear His voice? Linger here, in this still, quiet place, and allow Him to express His love. Wait – until you know it is appropriate to resume normal activity. Revel in His love. Don’t rush this exercise. Are you uncomfortable with such an exercise as the one described in the preceding paragraphs? Is there anything unbiblical about what I have described? Is there anything untrue about the above scenario? Jesus does love you just as I have described. He does embrace you in His arms and longs to express His love to you in meaningful ways. I haven’t asked you to pretend anything, but rather by faith to see in your mind’s eye something that is real.”

This is an excellent mediative exercise which facilitated me in shedding a tear! May the Father allow us to use our imagination to place our wishes before God and relax in His love. This article offers great prayers to ask the Sprit to enable giving/receiving more love!

Sleep Centre – Online Class:

“non-REM Sleep The type of sleep not associated with dreams.  There is some thinking in non-REM sleep but it is usually simple and fragmented.  There are 4 sub-stages to non-REM sleep: Stage 1 sleep:  Is a transition from being awake to being asleep.  Is almost worthless in terms of restorative value.  Although you may be asleep you may also still be partially conscious. Stage 2 sleep:  Deeper than Stage 1 and is thought to aid in body recovery. Stages 3 and 4:  Also called Delta sleep.  Delta sleep is a very deep sleep that is primarily associated with restoration / body recovery. REM Sleep”

Sleep Centre – Online Class:

“Avoid sleeping on your back.  Many people only snore or stop breathing while sleeping on their back.  In such cases, avoidance of this position during sleep reduces both snoring and apnea. There are some simple procedures that can be used to reduce sleeping on your back such as attaching a sock to the back of your nightshirt with 1 or 2 tennis balls. Each time you roll onto your back, the discomfort will prompt you to roll onto your side. In time, you will favor sleeping on your side. Ask your doctor if your sleep study demonstrated whether your sleep apnea occurred only on your back.”

Sleep Centre – Online Class:

“Periodic Limb Movements (PLMs) Periodic limb movement disorder affects people only during sleep.  The condition is characterized by behavior ranging from shallow, continual movement of the ankle or toes, to wild and strenuous kicking and flailing of the legs and arms.  Movement of the legs is more typical than movement of the arms in cases of PLMs.  Movements typically occur for 0.5 to 10 seconds, in intervals separated by five to 90 seconds. These limb movements usually occur in deep stage two sleep, but often cause arousal. Thus, PLMs can cause poor sleep, which may lead to sleep maintenance insomnia and/or excessive daytime sleepiness. Frequently, the bed partner is aware of these movements as they are hit, kicked or punched during the night.  Additionally, the bottom bed sheet may be thread-bare in one spot sooner than the rest.  This may be caused by your heels rubbing in the same spot frequently at night.  Bedding in disarray is also a well known feature of PLMs”

This is a great article stating that acting out nightmares/dreams can cause sleep deprivation. The cause of nightmares is unclear. I pray for great sleep for us and the world.

Sleep Centre – Online Class:

“Examples of parasomnias: Nightmare disorder: The individual will experience frightening dreams that are associated with elevated heart rate and breathing, sweating, and arousal. Complete alertness and subsequent recollection of the dreams differentiates nightmares from sleep terrors. Sleep terror disorder: Sleep terrors typically result in extreme panic, a loud scream during sleep, followed by activities such as hitting objects or moving in and out of the bedroom. Unlike with nightmares, there is rarely any associated dream content. This is a disorder of arousal that primarily occurs during stages 3 and 4 of non-REM sleep.”

Sleep Centre – Online Class:

“Eat regular meals and a healthy balanced diet. If you feel hungry in the evening, have a light snack or a glass of milk. Heavy meals close to bedtime can result in discomfort and sleep disturbance. Take Calcium 500 mg and Magnesium 250 mg with a light snack to aid in relaxation (mild muscle relaxant). Always check with your doctor before taking a supplement. Above all, don’t try too hard. If you can’t fall asleep, don’t lie in bed anxious and frustrated. If it has been 20 to 30 minutes, leave your bedroom to read, watch TV, or do something else to relax, going back to bed only when you feel sleepy again. If you are a clock-watcher, turn the clock around. Do meditation, yoga or self-hypnosis to help with stress and sleep.”

Sleep Centre – Online Class:

“espiratory Homecare Companies There are several homecare companies within Calgary that we use for our trials of CPAP.  These companies can also perform the same at-home sleep study (SnoreSat) to diagnose obstructive sleep apnea.  You: Need to be referred directly to the company by your family physician. Will be charged for the SnoreSat (approximately $150).  This is the only fee that will be charged.  If you purchase a CPAP machine you would either pay for it yourself or have insurance coverage.  This is no different than if you came to the Sleep Centre. Results will be interpreted by a sleep specialist but you do not see the specialist. Family doctor discusses the results with you and gets you on the appropriate therapy (CPAP, dental appliance, urgent referral to the Sleep Centre…) The companies are likely able to do this testing within 2 weeks.  Once you follow-up with your family physician they are also able to get you onto CPAP therapy within a couple of weeks. This is a very quick, safe approach for many patients to be assessed for obstructive sleep apnea.  ”

Sleep Centre – Online Class:

“Private Sleep Clinics There are 2 private sleep clinics in Calgary that can diagnose and treat any sleep disorder.  The following table compares both clinics: Updated April 14, 2008 Canadian Sleep Institute Centre for Sleep and Human Performance Referral from family physician required? Yes Yes Fees for at-home sleep study Yes Yes Fees for polysomnography (in-clinic sleep study) Yes Yes   At both clinics the sleep specialist will discuss your results and follow-up your treatment progress.  The main advantage to going to the private clinics is that they have a shorter waitlist than the Sleep Centre.  There may be fees associated with each clinic visit.”

The Hart Institute | Dr. Archibald Hart, Dr. Catherine Hart-Weber | Training, Counseling and Consulting:

“You and your husband will then get stuck in an argument pattern…you will pursue him to get him to admit he is wrong and you are right, he will instead defend himself to get you to admit you are wrong and he is right. Eventually you will each emotionally disconnect. You get ‘gridlocked’ over the issue.  If you keep arguing this way, you won’t resolve anything, you will just have a list of ‘hot topics’ that trigger a very strong and powerful pattern of arguing. And to you he will become an aloof, uninvolved, independent, uncaring roommate. To him you will become a nagging, negative wife he has to put up with. This will not lead to an emotionally connected marriage.”

The last of this article offers excellent suggestions to offer just mutual understanding and expected outcomes. May it be so for us and the world.

What Do You See? – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

” God went on to tell His prophet that those figs represented the way that He was going to work in the circumstances of His people. Do you remember the time that God took Jeremiah to ‘the potter’s house’ and spoke to him through the potter’s wheel? (See Jeremiah 18) Then there was the time that the Lord asked Amos what he saw when he was looking at a plumb line. (See Amos 7:8) The Lord went on to show Amos His plans through what he saw. And then there was Zechariah. The Lord showed him a lamp stand and went on to explain how it showed that it is ‘not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord of hosts’ (Zechariah 4:2-6). What do you see as you move through your day? You probably have experienced your Father speaking to you through the Bible many times, but have you heard Him speak to you through the day to day activities of your life? “

This is a great article to encourage discerning God’s voice. I think we just need to be open, perhaps pray to hear Him in all aspects of life. May it be so for our families, friends, schools, clients, and the world.

The Barnabas Touch – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“Sometimes Christians think that we all need to be like the Apostle Paul – strong, determined, trail-blazers in expanding the kingdom. The church does need folks like that, but don’t minimize the powerful effect of the Barnabas type Christians in the church. You might start churches, like Paul did, or you might touch somebody who turned aside like Barnabas did. Don’t fall into the error of thinking that you have to act outside your basic personality and temperament type. God can use you with the personality you have right now, without changing anything about that aspect of your makeup. Do you relate to Paul’s approach to life? Then go for it. But don’t be too harsh on those who are more comfortable with the Barnabas approach. The Pauls of the church may reach cities, but the Barnabases will impact lives too, one person at a time.  ”

This is an an excellent article encouraging acceptance, believing in others and encouraging those who doubt to include them! I pray we are always open to give 2nd chances to one another/ourselves. May it be so for us our family, friends, clients, schools, and the world.

God Is For Me – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

” When things are going the way you want, God is for you. When life seems to be falling apart, God is for you. When the Philistines chased David down in Gath, he wrote, ‘This I know, that God is for me’ (Psalm 56:9). What a time to make a declaration like that! Many of us have found ourselves in a place similar to David’s situation at times. Life is closing in . . . the enemy seems to have us cornered and there appears to be no way out. Pleasant circumstances disappear before our eyes and the world turns dark. At times like that, we may be tempted to cry out, ‘Why is God against me?’ Not David. He assured himself with the truth, ‘God is for me.’ He didn’t say, ‘This I feel, that God is for me.’ There are many times in life that we don’t feel like God is for us. No, he said, ‘This I know, that God is for me.”

This is a great article esp in times of minor challenges or when God seems silent. I find grieving also helpful, like Job to experience THE LORD is NOT AGAINST US. It shows the process of THE FATHER proving His love through His assurance, MAYBE THROUGH SENSING HE IS HOLDING US, until we can go from-affirming, to feeling, to knowing GOD IS FOR ME THIS I KNOW. MAY IT BE SO FOR US, OUR FAMILIES, FRIENDS, AND THE WORLD!

How To Have a Grace Filled Ministry – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“As is God¡¯s customary way of working, He began to show His answers when I came to the end of myself. I had wanted Him to show me how to motivate the people. He had other plans. He had been wanting to do a deeper work in me which would transform first my own life, then my ministry. This night of despair became the doorway through which God brought me to bring me into an arena of grace like I had never known. In the days to follow the Lord began to reveal truths to me about walking in grace which radically changed the way I understood and did ministry. Before my church became a grace filled ministry, it was necessary for God to cause me to become a grace filled pastor. That began to happen as a couple of truths were deposited deeply into me by the Holy Spirit. ¡ö Christ is life, not ministry. For 17 years, if you had asked me who I am I would have answered, ¡°I am a preacher.¡± My sense of identity came from my role. In reality, that isn¡¯t who I am but is only what I do. Who I am is a child of God who shares the very life of Jesus Christ. This may sound like a minor distinction, but beginning to see myself first and foremost as a man consumed with Jesus caused ministry to flow from me in a way I had never known. Focusing on ministry produces religious activity, but understanding our union with Christ will cause one to experience an outflow of divine life. ¡ö Success comes through a Person, not a performance. I believed that success in ministry meant measurable progress. While there is certainly nothing wrong with results which are measurable, I have come to believe that real success comes as we abide in Jesus Christ and allow Him to continually express His life through us. That may or may not always produce results which look impressive. Was John successful on Patmos? Was Paul successful while in the Philippian jail? Was Jesus successful when he hung dying on a cross? God measures success differently from contemporary society. Grace Filled Churches As God continued to work the truths of this new grace walk deep into me, I began to see a change in the life of my church. As I changed, they began to change too. It wasn¡¯t unlike what happens in a marriage when God begins to do a deep work in the husband and the wife responds as she sees the Holy Spirit work in him. Church life began to be different in two ways.”

This is an incredibly inspiring article on the way motivation really occurs, esp in churches. I disagree with some of the “trying” words, but it clearly says the leader/counsellor is Jesus. May it be so for us, our families, friends, our practice and the world.

Are You Dying To Rest? – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

” I didn’t know that I had already died with Christ and was able to cease from my own works, living instead out of His finished work. The idea of being called by Christ to a place of rest often contradicts the default setting of contemporary Christian thought. We live in a society where people go on vacation with their cell phones, Palm Pilots and laptop computers. To rest in Christ is a concept which often requires a radical paradigm shift for many people. To rest in Christ, trusting Him to express His life through us, sounds lazy and negligent after having lived in the wilderness of legalism for such a long time. Many mistakenly think of rest as some sort of passivity, which it is not. Resting in Christ simply means trusting Him to be our Life-Source, depending upon Him to empower our actions with His strength and direction.”

This is a really clear article on what it means to rest in Christ, that he took away our/the sins of the world and let His love show. May it be so for us/the world.

When Hurricanes Come – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“What are we to do when we believe a hurricane is coming into our lives? We do what Remaila said. We make our preparations. We do so by making sure that everything in life is grounded in the love and sovereignty of the One we profess loves us too much to do us any harm. We give all that we are and all that we have to Him. We recognize that this world is temporary and choose not to allow ourselves to draw our identity from it. We hold a loose grip on everything and everybody, realizing that only God determines what we can hold on to throughout our lives. Then we entrust ourselves to God. We affirm by faith (not feelings) that He is in control – that nothing can or will happen in our lives which is beyond the bounds of His authority or the scope of His love for us. We trust Him. It’s that simple. We don’t always understand. We just trust. We don’t always feel like He is loving us through our circumstances. We just trust. We entrust ourselves to the love of One who promised to never leave or forsake us. We lash ourselves to Romans 8:28 and refuse to let go. The storms may rage. The winds may blow. The waves may surge. But we know that our security is in the love of the One who loved us and gave Himself for us. Do you see clouds on the horizon of your own life? Don’t be afraid. The Bible says that those clouds are ‘the dust of His feet’ (Nahum 1:3). As storms approach, simply make your preparations and then entrust yourself to God.”

THIS IS A GREAT ARTICLE SO WE DO NOT try to handle crisis/conflicts in our own strength. It show what that means. However it still can come across that way if we are not JUST OPEN to his truth/trust.

Conflict Resolution Without Words – Positive Living Television:

“If you believe that you or your partner are bad or wrong for your feelings, behavior, or point of view, then you will not be able to let go of judgment. You will move toward compassion when you understand and accept that each of you has very good reasons for your feelings, behavior, and point of view. Try compassionately accepting yourself and your partner and see what happens!”

Although I do not agree with some of the wording of some points, this article offers some basic great points to facilitate openness. GOD GAVE US OUR FREEDOM, BY JESUS TAKING AWAY OUR/THE SINS OF THE WORLD TO SEE THINGS OUR WAY. HE DOESN’T ENFORCE HIS VIEW ON US, ESPECIALLY IN CONFLICT. WE CAN ASK HIM. MAY IT BE SO FOR OUR WORLD.

Don’t Ask, Appropriate! – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“Do you need wisdom? That’s Him. Do you need righteousness? That’s Him. Holiness? That’s Him, too. Do you need sanctification, guidance, strength? It’s all Him. What do you need today? His name is IAM. I AM what? Anything you need. All the fullness of I AM is in Jesus. ‘For it was the Father’s good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him’ (Col.1:19). All the fullness of Jesus is in you. Don’t pray for what you already have. Just appropriate the sufficiency of the Christ who is living in you. You don’t have to struggle or beg for what you think you need. You already have it. Just let Jesus be Jesus in and through you. “

This is an excellent article on just resting in the grace of understanding/knowing that we have everything of Christ in us now. May it be so.

Ways To Say Good Job To Your Child, How To Say Good Job:

“75 Ways To Say ‘Good Job!’”

Excellent article!

Living Peaceably Together – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“When you find it difficult to get along with somebody, there are a few things you might do which could help you navigate through stressful moments. 1. Pray a quick prayer for the person. Ask Jesus to express love to them through you. When we react to the bad mood of others with a negative response, we have allowed them to control us. Why let somebody else cause you to get in a bad mood? You can choose to express love to them and not allow the circumstance to rob you of your own joy. 2. Remember that people who are hard to get along with almost always have conflict going on within themselves. A sales clerk in a store once acted like a jerk to me. My first impulse was to react the same way (I can act like a jerk with the best of them), but instead I paused, looked at the lady and sincerely asked, ‘Are you having a bad day?’ To my amazement, she began to pour out the details of her personal life that were causing trouble for her. I was so glad that I hadn’t acted on my first impulse. Her demeanor instantly softened when I asked that question. (The question I asked could be asked in an accusatory way and add to the problem.) It was one of those ‘God-moments’ when He allowed me to see the importance of responding in love and not reacting impulsively. 3. Recognize the fact that the problem may be within you and not the other person. There have been times when I’ve found myself irritated several times by other people before it finally dawned on me – ‘They aren’t doing anything wrong. I’m just in a bad mood today!’ Maybe the quality in another person that irritates you isn’t a bad quality. Maybe that person reminds you of somebody else that you’ve had trouble with in your past. Or maybe you’re just in a bad mood yourself. When you find yourself feeling irritable toward somebody else, ask the Holy Spirit this question, ‘Lord, is it me?’ You might be surprised to find out that the problem isn’t with the other person at all. Paul determined to look beyond human characteristics and see Jesus in every Christian. Mother Teresa was once asked about her work with the lepers – ‘Do you imagine that it is Jesus ministering to them when you serve them?’ ‘No,’ she answered. ‘When I look at them, I see the face of Jesus.’”

This is a good simple article on allowing Jesus/love/His peace respond through us. The are some parts where it is a little confused. I don’t think we are controlled by another, but it can feel like it at times. Either we are new creations because we are open to the fact that Jesus took the sin of the world away or we are not at this time. May it be so for our family, friends, clients, and the world.

The Daily Beast

Maine this week became the fifth state, and the fourth in New England, to legalize gay marriage, provoking yet another national debate about same-sex unions. The Lessins’ advocacy group, the Maui-based World Polyamory Association, is pushing for the next frontier of less-traditional codified relationships. This community has even come up with a name for what the rest of the world generally would call a committed threesome: the “triad.”

Unlike open marriages and the swinger days of the 1960s and 1970s, these unions are not about sex with multiple outside partners. Nor are they relationships where one person is involved with two others, who are not involved with each other, a la actress Tilda Swinton. That’s closer to bigamy. Instead, triads—”triangular triads,” to use precise polyamorous jargon—demand that all three parties have full relationships, including sexual, with each other. In the Lessins case, that can be varying pairs but, as Sasha, a psychologist, puts it, “Janet loves it when she gets a double decker.” In a triad, there would be no doubt in Elizabeth Edwards’ mind whether her husband fathered a baby out of wedlock; she likely would have participated in it.

But, But, But — they PROMISED!!! They were so sure it wouldn’t be a slippery slope…

Steve McVey:

“The new Christian who has all along been glorifying Christ through his behavior without even thinking about his behavior now stops focusing on Christ and starts focusing on his behavior. The face of Jesus fades into the background and a list of religious rules emerge as the focal point of the new Christian’s life,”

This is a good brief article on starting in faith as you began. Our continued victory can only be received by faith not by following rules. In marital conflict when feeling powerless/blamed/afraid/shame and needing control. Wait, relax, vent to Jesus, and focus on His control/power/blamelessness/promise to make a way through grace, in us believers. Give truth, after receiving His perspective when it can be heard/let it surface, in us believers.

GV Jan 2008:

“Control freaks – that’s what we all are when we try to be in charge of our own lives. God never intended for us to be in control. Controlling things is His role, not ours. ‘My life is out of control!’ people have tearfully said to me at times in the counseling office. What they really meant was ‘My life is out of my control and I don’t like it!’             Imagine a baby holding a pair of new shoes in his hands. He is playing with them and happy they belong to him. His parent reaches down to take the shoes and put them on the child’s feet. All the child sees is that his shoes are being taken out of his hands. He doesn’t like it. He wants to control them and keep them in his hands, but he will never walk in them that way.             The parent takes the shoes from the hand of the child and the baby begins to cry. He is overwhelmed with anger, confusion and regret that his shoes are being taken from him. He screams. He kicks in protest. He is losing control of the thing he loves and wants to hold. He doesn’t understand what his parent is doing. But the parent understands and does what is necessary to enable the child to walk – whether the child likes it or even understands.             The goal is to enable the child to enjoy the shoes to the fullest by walking in them. The parent knows that if the shoes are used for their designed purpose, the child will truly benefit and not simply be amused by them.             Only a baby thinks the highest pleasure is to hold them in his hands. He doesn’t see the whole picture. So the parent overrules the baby’s wishes and does what is needful. Eventually the child will understand. When he does, he is thrilled, and more important than that, he walks. Do you want to walk? What are you holding onto that you need to release? Let it go. God knows what He is doing.”

This is an excellent article for parenting and dealing with the crisies of life. I pray for this rest and openness to genuinely let go of our way after working through the emotions individually/together with others.

KUTV.COM

SAN ANGELO, Tex. – A Texas appeals court said Thursday that the state had no right to take more than 400 children from a polygamist sects ranch, a ruling that could unravel one of the biggest child-custody cases in U.S. history.

The Third Court of Appeals in Austin ruled that the state offered “legally and factually insufficient” grounds for the “extreme” measure of removing all children from the ranch, from babies to teenagers.

The state never provided evidence that the children were in any immediate danger, the only grounds in Texas law for taking children from their parents without court approval, the appeals court said.

It also failed to show evidence that more than five of the teenage girls were being sexually abused, and never alleged any sexual or physical abuse against the other children, the court said.

It was not immediately clear whether the children scattered across foster facilities statewide might soon be reunited with parents. The ruling gave Texas District Judge Barbara Walther 10 days to vacate her custody order, and the state could appeal.

FLDS spokesman Rod Parker said sect members feel validated, having argued from the beginning that they were being persecuted for their beliefs.

The legal geniuses have spoken. Contrary to this foundation of American marital law:

[W]e think it may safely be said there never has been a time in any State of the Union when polygamy has not been an offence against society, cognizable by the civil courts and punishable with more or less severity. In the face of all this evidence, it is impossible to believe that the constitutional guaranty of religious freedom was intended to prohibit legislation in respect to this most important feature of social life. Marriage, while from its very nature a sacred obligation, is nevertheless, in most civilized nations, a civil contract, and usually regulated by law. Upon it society may be said to be built, and out of its fruits spring social relations and social obligations and duties with which government is necessarily required to deal. In fact, according as monogamous or polygamous marriages are allowed, do we find the principles on which the government of the people, to a greater or less extent, rests…

[P]olygamy leads to the patriarchal principle, and which, when applied to large communities, fetters the people in stationary despotism, while that principle cannot long exist in connection with monogamy…. An exceptional colony of polygamists under an exceptional leadership may sometimes exist for a time without appearing to disturb the social condition of the people who surround it; but there cannot be a doubt that, unless restricted by some form of constitution, it is within the legitimate scope of the power of every civil government to determine whether polygamy or monogamy shall be the law of social life under its dominion.

…[T]he only question which remains is whether those who make polygamy a part of their religion are excepted from the operation of the statute. If they are, then those who do not make polygamy a part of their religious belief may be found guilty and punished, while those who do, must be acquitted and go free. This would be introducing a new element into criminal law. Laws are made for the government of actions, and while they cannot interfere with mere religious belief and opinions, they may with practices. Suppose one believed that human sacrifices were a necessary part of religious worship; would it be seriously contended that the civil government under which he lived could not interfere to prevent a sacrifice? Or if a wife religiously believed it was her duty to burn herself upon the funeral pile of her dead husband; would it be beyond the power of the civil government to prevent her carrying her belief into practice?

So here, as a law of the organization of society under the exclusive dominion of the United States, it is provided that plural marriages shall not be allowed. Can a man excuse his practices to the contrary because of his religious belief? To permit this would be to make the professed doctrines of religious belief superior to the law of the land, and, in effect, to permit every citizen to become a law unto himself. Government could exist only in name under such circumstances.

- Reynolds v. United States, 98 U.S. 145, 165-67 (1878).

…The court of Texas now feels that their belief system does not, in fact, influence those around them or damage children and that it has no interest in offering protection to the rest of society…

It ignored the reality that they COULD prove that 5 girls were being sexually abused, that this abuse was not some random uncle sneaking in under the cover of night but, rather, a socially accepted act carried out under the premeditated sham of an illegal marriage unto which the young girl had to have been forced — seeing as she had no legal ability to consent to such. This is something that the entire community participated in through participation in the ceremonies.

It also ignored the reality that, while these marriages were not declared as such, they did, in fact exist. (It’s really only through an adherence to a legal sham of state sanctioned marriage that they could be ignored in first place…) Thus they were permitted to ignore the actual illegality of the actions in question.

The most striking irony, though, is how they are talking now — having been schooled by an army of lawyers: “We’re being persecuted for our beliefs.” Really? The Texas authorities knew the compound was there for decades — and did nothing. The seizure of children was done because the violation of children reported and discovered was a socially accepted set of actions which then left the other children there defenseless.

They admit that their beliefs advocate something contrary to American law (Though they can lie like troopers on Larry King about having no husbands…) and there is solid proof that some children were illegally married to and sexually used by those older men, yet, the connection between belief and support of action seems to have no legal credibility.

It’s a strange bending of really: “You may believe you are married but we refuse to accept that those marriages could exist. If they can not exist, then no laws have been broken and no one could be harmed by what we just decided does not exist. All that is present here is a group of people believing in a fiction and beliefs can’t harm anyone either (COUGH 911 COUGH) so they should get their children back to continue teaching them to engage in what we have decided doesn’t exist.”

Only a lawyer could make that one make sense…

Singapore News

“I was dumfounded. I thought I was dreaming,” the husband told the newspaper Wednesday.

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.

Ok, so I have to post this — if only to ask the odd question…

It’s been known for 50 years that where there is one broken person in a marriage, there is always another — just in a very different (And usually enabling/codependent/co-addict) sort of way. Even in light of that psychology, this still is a strange sort of hyper-congruent validation of the idea if there ever was one…

I’ve just gotta ask though: Is she divorcing him because he visits hookers — or is he divorcing her because she is one??? At least on the surface, it would seem that in the middle of this mess of a marriage, the couple has finally found SOMETHING they can agree upon. Their sex life had to of really sucked in terms of intimacy anyway — so it’s not like they each had high expectations there… She apparently was successful at her profession — and he was obviously intent on purchasing it so the variety of acts likely was not at issue…. Why are they divorcing such ‘perfection’ in first place?

Or, just maybe we have proof positive of what I’ve been saying for the last decade — it’s really NOT ABOUT THE SEX!!! Never has this constant of marriages the world over been more clearly demonstrated: neither can point at the other and say, “I’m ok and you are broken so I need to leave.” In this case, there are two perfectly matched human hearts — hearts totally distrustful of love — now divorcing because their previous distrust driven distance has now been multiplied through absolutely identical offenses.

Divorcing — because they are still too afraid to bring their hearts to the table and be loved — because they are still equally afraid of rejection — from an absolute equal — who is just as desperate for love.

Q&A: Lording it over your faith:

“Does he want you to know that you can hear from God for yourself, and that no one else can hear from Him better than you … or does he tell you that God speaks to him on your behalf?  Does he create a tension between dependence upon God vs. dependence upon himself?
 
You know what I think?  I think you ask me because you already know, but are afraid you might be hearing it wrong.  That’s what I think.    Connie, you have the life of Christ within you.  I wrote what I did as a witness to what you already know, but may not have been able to put words to.  You hear from God very well and I hope to encourage you to trust what He speaks to your heart!!
 
Please feel free to write back soon, for I hope to hear from you, and to know that your confidence in HIS working within you is strengthened.”

This is a very encouraging brief article on the definition of spiritual abuse/hurt and it’s root origin. When people grow up feeling unimportant through lack of attention, affection, validation they may set themselves up as those who preach themselves. This is in contrast to Christ/His Finished Work. When others demand, it often can be because they are hiding the fact they should not be trusted. I pray all we touch know that their confidence in God’s working in them is strengthened.

globeandmail.com

U.S. researchers, in a study believed to be the first to link marriage breakdown with its environmental impact, have concluded divorce definitely isn’t green.

They say it leads to “resource-inefficient lifestyles” that dramatically increase the consumption of water and electricity, and demands for housing.

Although it isn’t surprising that the study found separated couples and their children consume more than they would had their families remained intact, the amount of damage they cause to the environment hasn’t been quantified in such detail before.

For once, absurdest environmentalism and common sense line up — even the Greens want you to stay married now. Apparently if the good of the children, the high likelihood that round two will just repeat round one anyway, increased rates of depression and suicide and a host of stress related illnesses arn’t good enough, you can always just do it for the planet…

Q&A: Did Paul write this letter to unbelievers, too?:

“But he made no mistake about those who were born of the Spirit and had the mind of Christ. In 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, where Paul could have slammed the believers for their sinning (because they were indeed manifesting many of the things he mentioned) he instead says this incredible thing, ”And such WERE some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God.“ Remember what Paul had said near the beginning of the letter? ”For I determined to know NOTHING AMONG YOU EXCEPT CHRIST AND HIM CRUCIFIED.“ (1 Cor 2:2). He brought up examples of their day-to-day existence to tie it in with the mindset of the world so that they would be shaken from their stupor! These believers were having an identity crisis!! (Our brother) is correct in saying that, ”ALL Believers by birthright, love the Lord“.”

This is an incredible article on not letting the wisdom of the world/religion DULL THE REALITY OF THE NEW MIRACULOUS WORK OF JESUS/LOVE IN THEM FOR BELIEVERS . WE ARE JUST TO FOCUS ON HIM AND NOT SIN. This is my prayer. Amen.

Q&A: How do I know my questions aren’t from having “itchy ears”?:

“ Most who hang with me STILL have a lot of personal differences, but we have discovered that those things are not the reason why we are one in Christ and so it is ok to not have to resolve everything. Heck, most of it just kinda fades away in view of the life that we have our eyes open to. Those who turn away do so because of a desire for something OTHER THAN CHRIST. It is so sad to see this happen, but it happens often. Your desires are obvious. You got beat up by man’s religion and finally realized that you couldn’t do or be what they preached. I’ll bet you also realized that those who were doing the preaching weren’t meeting up to the standards they preached! So, if it doesn’t work for the preacher why would you think it’ll work for you? This is how the law operates. It’ll tear you up and spit you out and you’ll go back for more until you finally break. Then the good news sounds FANTASTIC! As it should.

”

This is an encouraging article on only focusing on Jesus and His sufficiency. It is not about being stimulated intellectually enough or being recognized for doing good enough, especially in churches. This is true love and acceptance. It enables us to stay in relationships even though we are different.

Frederica.com

The idea of returning to an era of young marriage still seems daunting, for good reason. It is not just a matter of tying the knot between dreamy-eyed 18-year-olds and tossing them out into world. Our ancestors were able to marry young because they were surrounded by a network of support enabling that step.

Young people are not intrinsically incompetent, but they do still have lots of learning to do, just like newly-weds of any age. In generations past a young couple would be surrounded by family and friends who could guide and support them, not just in navigating the shoals of new marriage, but also in the practical skills of making a family work, keeping a budget, repairing a leaky roof, changing a leaky diaper.It is not good for man to be alone; it’s not good for a young couple to be isolated, either.

In this era of extended education, couples who marry young will likely do so before finishing college, and that will require some sacrifices. They can’t expect to “have it all.” Of the three factors—living on their own, having babies, and both partners going to school full-time—something is going to have to give. But young marriage can succeed, as it always has, with the support of family and friends.

A rather refreshing example of rational thought in the rather polarized abstinence vs. contraception debate. Perhaps it’s finally time to admit that they both have failed, that (Barring forcible physical segregation) sex is going to happen and that our options are either young marriage or abortion?

I was 25 when we married and neither I nor Ros had yet finished Graduate school. It wasn’t easy — in fact it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I discovered just how fun it was to experience panic attacks and stress induced skin rashes — and, I’d do it again. I had to grow up in one all-fired hurry — but it eventually had to happen. It could have been a lot easier if our society didn’t think I was 5-7 years too young and actually had some supports in place.

My kids will likely be out of the house and in college before I’m 50 and, with the current progress of modern medicine, I might actually still be around by the time their kids have children. Show me the down side of that…

Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy:

“n a therapy session, a husband’s numb withdrawal expands into a sense
of intimidation and helplessness. He can now assert his need for respect
and become more accessible to his wife.

He
moves from ”There is no point in talking to you. I don’t want to
fight.“ to ”I do want to be close. I want you to give me a chance.
Stop poking me and let me learn to dance with you.“
His
wife’s critical anger then expands into fear and sadness. She can now
ask for and elicit comfort.

She moves from ”You just don’t care. You don’t get it.“ to ”It
is so difficult to say – but I need you to hold me – reassure
me – can you?“”

I good overview of the process that grieving to the Lord can lead to in marital therapy.

Q&A: Why do I still feel rejection when I know better?:

“ It’s going to hurt when it is
being demanded that you are inferior, less-than, below, beneath, of no
value, etc.  The good news is that the feeling brings focus and clarity
to the specific manifestation of the lie’s insistence.  You are put in
the most wonderful place of recognition of the life Christ, as it is
being demanded that even in this exact place where condemnation once
held you have you been set free!!  These wonderful feelings pinpoint or
undercover those former places of fear, shame, guilt, and condemnation,
etc so that you are being made aware of how all-emcompassing this
reality of life in Christ really is!”

This is a good article on our response to feeling a lack of love. We do not have to retaliate/judge. We just use it to grieve the past and give up lies that we are inferior.

Q&A: Can someone “walking in the Spirit” believe he has 2 natures?:

“it’s not surprising to discover that even ”scriptural“ points of view will get infused with the very same fleshly attitude of the one telling it.  As a prime example, I’m sure both of us have heard God’s wonderful grace incorporated into an arrogant doctrinal stance where those who ”hold“ it will somehow see themselves as if they deserve it.  Well, enough of that, you had another question, didn’t you?  ”

This is a good article that explores two senses of walking the Spirit.
1.) As believers we are always in the Spirit 2.) We either live by the frame of mind that we walk by our efforts or by grace. I pray God allows it be clear for all of us.

Increasing Intimacy in Marriage:

“As this analogy shows, over-dependence in marriage can lead spouses to become tired and resentful of carrying the burden for the other’s happiness. Over-dependence creates feelings of powerlessness and weakness because your happiness is in someone else’s hands. Complete independence is also unhealthy because it causes spouses to feel unneeded and lonely. Interdependence is a balance between over-dependence and independence. In an interdependent marriage, spouses feel needed without being overburdened. They feel a sense of freedom and power, understanding that their happiness is in their control and not in the hands of another person.”

This is a great article encouraging others to be interdependent so the person feels needed and not lonely. This is our prayer for all marriages.

intimacy in marriage:

“Everyone agreed that after a full day’s work both men and women are weary and exhausted. But when a husband seems to reserve all his attention for his work and shows no attention to his wife, she feels unloved. When that happens, instead of having a loving and sexually responsive wife, he will run the risk of being at continual odds with her. He will get wrath instead of warmth.”

This is an excellent series of articles on sustaining intimacy in marriage. Even though one sees the other through the Finished Work of Christ, it is important to share the feelings with each other/the Lord together.

Infidelity, Cheating Wives – Women’s Infidelity:

“Women at Stage 3 may also be
experiencing the ending of an extramarital
affair, and the ending may not have
been their decision. They may have been
involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could
not progress or who became attracted to
another women who was
single. Women whose affairs are
ending often experience extreme grief.
They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward
their husbands. They are typically unaware that they
are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden
changes in their brain chemistry.
As a result, many will feel that they have
missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness.”

This is excellent article shows the feelings one experiences during the progression of affairs. The anger/sadness/confusion/feaars needs to be expressed to God so the block can be removed. An openness needs to be present before God so his best desires and joy for the marriage can flow once again.

Infidelity, Cheating Wives – Women’s Infidelity:

“Women’s
relationships today follow

a very
predictable pattern:

 

 


They
push men
for commitment


They get what they want


They



lose interest
in sex



They
become attracted to someone else



They
start cheating


They become angry
and resentful

They begin telling their partners that they need time apart

They blame their partners for
their behavior…

               

and then…


They
slowly destroy their relationships and marriages”

This is a typical pattern. However if one gives the fear of love in the intimate relationship to the Lord, God’s sufficient love for the partners to give can flow once again. There is no blame necessary because the person does not realize they are doing the old and really doesn’t deep down want to do it. The new person in Christ is what is true.

Shovel Writings: Forgiveness Response:

“Your emotions are letting you know that you are viewing yourself and/or others by your yardstick … while the gospel declares that your yardstick is the thing you have been saved from … he snapped it into little bitty pieces. Chances are that if the emotions are hanging on after seeing the situation in the reality of Christ that those emotions are being stirred up by something else. I have often discovered that my hateful feelings were not really about the person who said something derogatory to me, but in the simple fact that I had been damning myself in that particular thing for years! Once I got past the bogus notion that SOMEBODY ELSE was to blame for my feelings of inferiority I was able to see the obvious fact that my anger was toward myself! But I had for the longest time transferred the blame, and therefore, the corresponding feelings to another. And so I tried and tried in vain to forgive them (or even to see them in Christ) … and I wondered why I felt these things toward them.
And, in this, I am once again presented with the reality of life vs. death. My Father has given me something tangible to behold and to declare that THIS TOO has been removed by Christ! This is His Spirit witnessing with my spirit and it is saturated with life.”

This is an excellent point about the real source of anger towards others. I pray we stop measuring one another and ourselves.

Budget Busters, Part 1:

“Few families understand how much and what kind of insurance is needed. Insurance should be used as a supplementary provision for the family, not for protection or for profit. Insurance is not designed for saving money or for retirement. So, select insurance based on God’s plan for your life, not on what someone else says you need for your life.”

Budget Busters, Part 2:

“Pay cash for a new car if possible. If not, make sure the current car is paid off before purchasing a new one.”

The Princess Wish :

“Respectable and
Admirable

A princess doesn’t compete with a prince. Just the
opposite, she builds him up. It’s her admiration and
respect that inspire the prince and compel him to
greatness. When he sees that he’s a hero in her eyes,
it’s no wonder he’s willing to suffer for her. A hero will
go through anything to keep an admiring princess by
his side.
These qualities of princesses from long ago are still the
virtues that attract a prince today. And they’re already
yours. If you’re a daughter of the King, these graces
are your royal heritage. Like Mia in The Princess
Diaries, all you need to do is practice them through
the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s not just a wish or a fairy
tale, it’s the wonderful truth.”

This is a captivating article for teenage girls. The sections about sin are more better stated in terms of giving up your way. After which those loving qualities of God will be lived out in you. It is affirming to know the Father wants you to give him your heart. He wants to give His best to you, especially in terms of the timing of a spouse. May it be so for my girls, nieces and friends, God willing in them.

Is Remarriage a Step in the Right Direction?:

“Furthermore, loss always brings the fear of more loss. When persons start protecting themselves from more loss, walls are built. ”I’m afraid my kids and new husband will turn against each other. It would be just another failure,“ said one mom. Her teenage son echoed her fear, ”I’m afraid of getting close to anyone. With all I’ve had to live through I keep waiting for it to happen all over again.“”

This is a realistic article of blended families.

Cash Clash: What’s Below the Surface?:

“ Don’t begin your conversations in a negative tone and expect something positive to come out of it.Be kind and compassionate to one another…—Eph. 4:32(KJV)Am I harboring unresolved hurt or resentment? Sometimes it’s easier to argue about money than to admit when we have hurt feelings. If your spouse has hurt you and you’re still harboring that hurt — or maybe even resentment — you’re going to see everything through that filter of hurt. When your spouse tries to discuss financial issues, you’ll be more likely to overreact.”

This is a good article encouraging on to give God the hurt and anger quickly so His Spirit can bring about an objective conflict resolution discussion with ones spouse. If one is living out God’s life of integrity/compassion/love it inspires the other to do so as well if He/she is a believer. There need not be judgement so honesty and trust can flow freely. These are the core/root issues.

Financial Authority:

“ The plan needs to be fair and equal for all concerned. Remember that a marriage is a partnership and partners share in all things. Avoid the ”his money, her money“ or the ”I deserve this because“ attitude.”

This is a good article because it talks about the role of spouses to balance the extremes of the other in decisions. One is not sinful because Jesus took the offenses away. Submitting your life or remebering it all is submitted is essential.

His, Hers or Ours?:

“There is nothing wrong with the wife handling the finances in the family if she is the better administrator, but God still holds the husband accountable for the ultimate decisions.When there is an impasse, the wife must yield to her husband and allow the Lord to work it out. As they work together, encouraging one another, God will show them His favor and grace.”

This is a good article minus the judgement about yielding in marriage to a husband. Trusting God to work all things for good is key.

Shovel Writings: Reality or Psycho-Babble?:

“We are afraid of fear itself. We are afraid because of so many verses taken out of context and used to beat us up with until our hearts are bloody and raw and in agony, and then we fear even more.

It is a very good thing to be secure in our New Identity and realize that MOST fears come from the INsecurity we have been wallowing in and perpetuating for sooo long … fears based on deception and lies that we have fed ourselves and each other.

The GOOD NEWS of CHRIST, which is also OUR GOOD NEWS because of HIM and our NEW IDENTITY in HIM, is the only thing that soothes the pain of so much insanity and insecurity that we endure.
”

This fear feeling is the key difficulty in loving others and God. It is not about the other person at all. Most deep conflicts are not about another. If we do not surrender fears, these feelings reinterpret what we hear. Others feel unloved by distrust. We in turn feel guilty/alone or vice versa. The only solution is consciously resting in Jesus and our new identity on Him based on the true Good News. The basis of our fears is Finished as well.

Shovel Writings: The Peace of Christ – 2:

“ Now, was Paul
teaching us to learn to distinguish the feelings of the Spirit from the
feelings of the world?  Was he then asking us to trust those
feelings of peace we get from the Spirit?  Is this what it means
to be ”led by the Spirit“?  It may be the popular teaching, but if
Paul TAUGHT it where did he WRITE it?  I read his letters and I
see someone who would never establish a practice of making
decisions based on a relative sense of ”peace“.  Instead, he
constantly insisted on basing all things on what Christ had ALREADY
accomplished. ”

This is an excellent article clearly stating that God is leading through His Spirit 24/7. (ROM 8:14) This is a great article for married couples who sometimes have difficulty completely trusting their spouse is in “God’s will.”

But I Don’t Feel Like It:

“Decide to take ”divorce“ out of your dictionary. My husband, Bill, and I have counseled couples back to happiness from all kinds of crises: loss of a child, loss of a home, all kinds of addictions, affairs, and a whole lot of ”I’m tired of trying.“ The Bible does give a few allowances for what we call the 3 A’s (Affairs, Abuse, Abandonment) — but just because you feel you can file for divorce doesn’t mean you should! Look at Hosea and Gomer in the Bible. That’s redeeming love, the kind of love God”

This article discusses the biblical reasons for divorce.

How Can I Cut My Spouse’s Apron Strings?:

“ Talk about how the two of you would like decision making to work. Would you prefer that the two of you make choices without getting input from either set of parents? Are there some decisions you’d ask one set of parents about, but not the other? Be aware that asking for parents’ advice can be a slippery slope. It may leave them feeling the door is open for them to give you input into other areas, or even to ”correct“ decisions you’ve already made. Credit each other and your in-laws with goodwill toward your marriage”

This is a good article, with the exception where it does not acknowledge conflicts with believers needs to be handled differently. If both couples believe in Jesus’ risenness one needs to approach them as no one party is “right.” Both have the Lord living out His righteousness in them. I like the point that one makes changes themselves and discuss it, if the issue is risen by the other party. This is according to the God’s leading.

Understanding Biased Perceptions:

“ although it is often biased perception that makes an alternative seem more satisfying, it is possible to become attracted to someone who actually would be more satisfying to you than your mate. There may be something missing in your marriage that you desperately want, and although it might develop later, it also might not. It’s painful to have this realization. It can also make you resentful and angry. If that’s your situation, it’s better to acknowledge it and grieve for the loss rather than letting it erode your dedication to your mate. Otherwise, you could lose all you have built together.”

This is a good article stressing the need to focus on that Jesus took away the bad in your spouse. There is no need for revenge or judgement.

Togetherness: Making It Work:

“hings changed on their third anniversary. They made a commitment to each other: No matter what, they would learn how to connect and develop intimacy. They began studying the Bible and praying together, and attended every marriage conference they could find. They made spending time together a hobby; where you saw one, you’d see the other. They took up golf and skiing. For the next 20 years they would have at least one date a week.”

This is a good article. However one needs to surrender the relationship to God to allow Him to develop the closeness in His timing.

Growing in Oneness:

“Is that how Jesus became ”one“ with His disciples? No. He understood the value of spending time with them, talking, teaching, dining, and experiencing happy and challenging moments together. There were times when Jesus needed to be alone, but He understood the value of being with His followers, too. In the end, He gave His life for them and they gave theirs for Him — the ultimate testimony of oneness.”

This is a good article discussing that having someone over or being away from your spouse a lot does not build the closeness both desire but are afraid to create.

Feelings of Doubt and Uncertainty:

“Though she was certain Ted was the man God had chosen for her, Nicole missed her independence. Often she felt sad, conflicted, confused — wondering whether she’d made the wrong decision about marriage. She loved Ted and was thankful for him, realizing she couldn’t have asked for a better man. But she struggled with having to give up her ”alone time“ and sense of freedom. After praying, studying the Bible, and getting direction from Christian friends, Nicole began to see that her feelings were normal and that most people experience them.”

I went through those feelings of the loss of my singleness that needed to be grieved. The transition from independence to interdependence is difficult but necessary.

Viewing Your Spouse in a New Light:

“Desire. You viewed your husband during courtship as you wanted to see him. We tend to construct a person in our minds to match the excitement we want to feel. We mentally create that person in a way that will make us happiest.”

This is a good synopsis as the reasons that romantic love turns into the friendship stage. If grace isn’t given/received it is unlikely to mature.

I Never Knew You, Still I Love You:

“there were others who provided deep comfort. As hard as it was to repeat the story of our loss, our friends’ responses — prayer and practical help — lightened our burden. ”We understand that this is a real loss of a real child,“ wrote one, ”and that you are grieving. It is amazing how much sadness the heart can hold for someone whom one never got to know.“ These words, written by someone who lost a child to miscarriage years earlier, were further permission to grieve … and grieve deeply.”

This is a good article on giving others permission to grieve. It is unbelievable that one can feel grief/love more for one, who is not even known, compared to knowing a grandmother, in my case, all your life.

Sexual addiction – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

“According Patrick Carnes (Out of the Shadows) – the cycle begins with the ”Core Beliefs“ that sex addicts hold:

”I am basically a bad, unworthy person.“
”No one would love me as I am.“
”My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend on others.“
”Sex is my most important need.“

These beliefs drive the addiction on its progressive and destructive course:

Pain agent

First a pain agent is triggered / emotional discomfort (e.g. shame, anger, unresolved conflict) Sex addict is not able to take care of the pain agent in a healthy way.

Disassociation.

Prior to acting out sexually, the sex addict goes through a period of mental preoccupation or obsession. Sex addict begins to disassociate (moves away from his feelings). A separation begins to take place between his mind and his emotional self.

Altered state of consciousness / a trance state / bubble of euphoric fantasized experience”

Creating Intimacy and Friendship in Marriage:

“Keeping this idea in mind reinforces the essential role we play within our sacred partnership. The blessing of friendship and tenderness in marriage honors this unchanging truth: A wife’s loving companionship was designed by God to meet her husband’s number one relationship need.Evaluate your level of intimacy with your husband, then consider whether you might have been neglecting your husband’s needs for affection, comfort, and camaraderie. Ask your husband what he would like to experience with you in this area.”

This is a good article the stresses the need for undivided attention spouses need in marriage.

Semi-Intelligent or Semi-Stupid Debt:

“A home equity loan, curiously known in the industry as HEL, is typically a second mortgage that positions itself in such a way to allow the homeowner access to the equity (that margin between what is owed and what the property is worth). Equity is the borrower’s asset—and a precious asset at that. A HEL opens a large line of credit for you, pledging your equity as the collateral. You can borrow against it whenever you want. Technically it is a secured debt because of the collateral feature. And the borrower’s safety valve remains because the home can be sold to satisfy both of the debts. But it can be very risky—and that is when it can cross over into stupid territory. There are five ways the stupid factor can sneak into an otherwise intelligent mortgage situation: 1. If you borrow against your equity to clean up your credit card debt and then run up your credit cards all over again, that leaves you with twice the debt—the equity line and the credit cards. Not smart.”

This article makes good suggestions about eliminating and preventing debt. However the judgement should have been given to the Lord. The bottom line is a second job is needed to eliminate dr.

Shovel Writings: Counting the cost:

“His message to man was simple: you don’t have what it takes to follow Me.  This only highlights the amazing reality of God’s grace toward us in making us the righteousness of God and giving us His Spirit. It is no surprise that you now want to follow Jesus!!  ”

It is easy to die to self when you want to do it. Jesus will give the sufficiency, not ourselves.

When Your Parents Divorce:

“ in any case forgiveness can be a challenge, I pray and ask God for strength. I ask Him to change my heart to be graceful toward others, just as He is graceful toward me. Daily as I choose to forgive and not become bitter, negative feelings flow away and peace floods my heart.”

This is an excellent article to grieve your way through parental/separation and divorce to God. It outlines that confusion as one feels love for both parents yet also feels obligated to take sides/peacemake. The only exception I have to it is the tendency to mix the old covenant of sin with the new covenant of grace. The old has been done away with in Christ. The only law that remains is love and the true gospel is peace/joy. This truly glorifies God.

When Your Kids Divorce:

“For example, what about your child moving back home? Some counselors caution parents about the implications that come with putting out either a ”Vacancy“ or ”No Vacancy“ sign. Perhaps your child should explore other options, such as moving into a smaller apartment or taking on tenants, instead of returning home. How much financial or material support can/should you offer? Consider conditions on your help, such as whether your giving should be a gift or a loan, and for how long. Other legal and financial questions must also be considered, such as your will and raising grandchildren, directly or indirectly, if the need arises.”

This article focuses on adult children of divorce. It stresses blaming, especially of childcare decisions makes reconciliation difficult.

One preacher’s message: Have hotter sex – America Unzipped – MSNBC.com :

“No inhibitionsThis literalist view cuts both ways. Beam has been attacked by some conservative Christians for his liberal take on certain subjects. Much of what he preaches contradicts the teaching of other sects, such as Roman Catholicism. But he argues that if the Bible does not forbid it, you can do it. So bring on masturbation. Try any position in the Kama Sutra (but refer to drawings, please, not pictures of real people). Wife away on business? Have phone sex. Birth control is good. Even anal sex is OK if (and Beam believes this is a big if) it does no harm to the body.”

This is a refreshing article on sex. It even has suggestion on how to make male oral play more pallitable for the women. I disagree with the law parts.

Money and Your Marriage:

“Money. It’s the one thing there never seems to be enough of and the one thing couples fight about most. She likes to shop and he likes to save. She wants to save for a rainy day and he wants to splurge on the trip of a lifetime. Each has their own definition of needs versus wants. ”

This is a good synopsis of the marital trouble regarding money. The definitions need to be surrendered to God for His priorities to be lived out in His most timely way. Both aspects seem to be the Lord’s will.

The Four G’s - Peacemaker Ministries :

“Another key principle of peacemaking involves an effort to help others understand how they have contributed to a conflict. When Christians think about talking to someone else about a conflict, one of the first verses that comes to mind is Matthew 18:15: ‘If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.’ If this verse is read in isolation, it seems to teach that we must always use direct confrontation to force others to admit they have sinned. If the verse is read in context, however, we see that Jesus had something much more flexible and beneficial in mind than simply standing toe to toe with others and describing their sins. Just before this passage, we find Jesus’ wonderful metaphor of a loving shepherd who goes to look for a wandering sheep and then rejoices when it is found (Matt. 18:12%u201314). Thus, Matthew 18:15 is introduced with a theme of restoration, not condemnation. Jesus repeats this theme just after telling us to ‘go and show him his fault’ by adding, ‘If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.’ And then he hits the restoration theme a third time in verses 21%u201335, where he uses the parable of the unmerciful servant to remind us to be as merciful and forgiving to others as God is to us (Matt. 18:21%u201335). Jesus is clearly calling for something much more loving and redemptive than simply confronting others with a list of their wrongs. Similarly, Galatians 6:1 gives us solid counsel on our what our attitude and purpose ought to be when we go to our brother. ‘Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.’ Our attitude should be one of gentleness rather than anger, and our purpose should be to restore rather than condemn.”

I great article on the purpose of truth in love. However I think we need to affirm a believers heart is always good.

Mens Health

Can’t Tell the Players Without a Scorecard

“So much subliminal information is conveyed in those first seconds of contact,” says Carol Kauffman, Ph.D., a relationship therapist and psychology instructor at Harvard medical school. Okay, so you’re on the clock. Make every second count. Below are 10 ways – in rough chronological order – a woman judges your fitness to be her proverbial daddy.

OK, so, it’s crass, cynical and the entire site is largely focused on presenting a fraudulent image of yourself so you can get into a woman’s pants — but it’s also true. Men who desire marriage would do well to actually look at their hearts and lives and ask whether what is being faked here is actually true for them — and if not, why not?

Feelings of Doubt and Uncertainty:

“Losing something leaves us feeling sad. But as we grow in our relationship with the person we committed to, the grief can turn to joy and contentment. It’s common for young couples to experience various levels of ‘buyer’s remorse.’ That was the case with Nicole and Ted. Nicole had waited for many years to find the right man to spend the rest of her life with. At age 33, she met Ted. Within 13 months they were married in her hometown of Atlanta. Though she was certain Ted was the man God had chosen for her, Nicole missed her independence. Often she felt sad, conflicted, confused, wondering whether she’d made the wrong decision about marriage.”

It is thinking in terms of the family instead of one that closeness/oneness occurs. It is vital i marriage. When this happens you will say I could not have married a better man, as I believe I did. You will enjoy your spouse in the fullest sense, as I do.

Adjusting to Married Life: Becoming One:

“I miss being able to do what I want to do, when I want to do it.’ And here’s a favorite that marriage therapists hear often: ‘If two becoming one means that I disappear as a person, forget it!’ If you feel like this, don’t think you’re alone or that your situation is hopeless. The following quotations illustrate the fact that the adjustment period from aloneness to togetherness is often complex:”

This is a good brief article on some of the hopeless feelings of marriage that need to be grieved to God. It is challenging to blend personalities and desires together but it is rewarding.

Viewing Your Spouse in a New Light:

“Desire. You viewed your husband during courtship as you wanted to see him. We tend to construct a person in our minds to match the excitement we want to feel. We mentally create that person in a way that will make us happiest.So the question becomes, ‘What do I do now that I’ve found out he’s different from the way I thought he was?’ Debating whether he misrepresented himself or you misread him won’t solve anything. Here are three actions you can take. Choose to love him. We’re told in Ephesians 5:32 that marriage reflects the relationship between Christ and the church. There are inadequacies in the church, yet Christ still loves her.”

This is a good article in understanding the reasons romantic love matures after the honeymoon. I disagree with the judging part of it. Why would we need to judge if everything we have comes from god. It is His job to change/reveal more of our godly character not the counsellor or wife.

Why Isn’t My Husband the Person I Thought He Was?:

“It’s more like ’selective expression.’ He behaved in a way that he figured would increase your likelihood of saying, ‘I do.’ He put his best foot and shiniest shoe forward. Some of his behavior during those days probably wasn’t so deliberate. Thinking of you thrilled his heart during courtship. That type of romantic fire shapes one’s actions; loving deeds come easily to one so smitten by romance. You probably felt the same excitement, with your reactions being affected as well. In Luke 6:32, Jesus conveys this principle with the question, ‘If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?’ Reciprocating romantic love comes naturally to most people. Over time, it’s common for the romance, and therefore some of the motivation for ‘good behavior’ to fade somewhat.”

This article is encouraging to spouses who feel they don’t love their spouses anymore. I disagree with the word deception. However I prefer the grace term selective expression.

The Big Five Bullying Myths:

“remember is that God is on your side. When the apostle Paul was feeling puny, God told him, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). In other words, when things are totally out of our control, God’s awesome power completely takes over!”

This is an excellent article of encouragement and empathy. A Friend Loves At All Times, even if our friend isn’t making the most beneficial choices. Showing regret by saying I didn’t realize that I hurt you deeply. 1.) Although it is not easy, to say, Ignoring them first 2.) Praying for joy for the hurtful one. 3.) Reach out to others in empathy- encourage gifts, God gives the power to say stop and work it for good.

Husbands and Wives: What to Do if You Suspect Your Spouse Is Viewing Pornography:

“If it appears your spouse may have viewed pornography on limited occasions in the past, pick a time the two of you can talk confidentially about the matter. You may want to wait until you have a free evening together. One idea is to plan a date. On the way to your favorite restaurant, take three or four minutes to calmly talk about what you have discovered. Then quietly wait for your mate to talk. Be careful not to raise your voice, make accusations of a worse problem, or impart shame. Over dinner or dessert, reaffirm your unconditional love for your spouse. For women, it is important not to shame your husband. Affirm your relief that his connection to pornographic Web sites has been infrequent and not a recent occurrence. Inform him that you’ve deleted the photos and links from your computer. Acknowledge that you love your husband unconditionally, respect him greatly, and realize it’s normal for men to be tempted to look at pornography.”

This article exemplifies a truth encounter with love which one can feel. It does not continue to talk about what it means to encourage a believer that one is to focus on the spiritual self as the physical (sinning one is dead).

Brother, You’re Like a Six :

“We are to use Scripture as the measure of our desires. We are to take every thought, every area of our lives captive to the word of God. Thankfully, ‘attraction’ does play a role in finding a husband or wife. Read Song of Songs sometime. Biblically, however, attraction as the world understands it cannot be the foundation on which a godly marriage is built. Let’s examine two problems with the ‘attraction-as-foundation’ approach to dating and marriage %u2014 one theological, one practical %u2014″

This is a good article on qualities to look for in a mate. It is also an encouragement that God gives us pleasure to make marriage intimacy sweeter.

Family.org %u2014 Focus Over Fifty %u2014 Coping When Your Spouse is Unemployed:

“Remind yourself and your spouse to take this one day at a time. Help your husband avoid catastrophic thinking (I’ll never find work!). Be positive in your attitudes and pray together every day for God’s provision %u2014 for your physical, emotional and material needs, and for your relationship. And keep talking! Deliberate communication mitigates the effects of depression and helps boost bruised self-esteem. Accept that you’ll have good days and bad days. On the good days, discuss what makes them good and brainstorm ways to keep up positive energy (going to bed at a reasonable hour, rising together, morning exercise, prayer time, etc.). Maintain a routine as much as possible. Be mutually accountable, setting a daily agenda for both of you: job interviews, personal appointments, chores around the house, etc. Unemployment can make people want to withdraw, but avoid becoming socially isolated. Continue to attend church and keep up social commitments during the week. Share what you’re going through with friends. You need support now more than ever, and contrary to what you might think, friends will be honored by your desire to confide in them. Plan activities together that will help you let off steam. Many big-city zoos and museums have occasional,free days. Get outside in the fresh air, take a bike ride, have a picnic. Plan time where you agree to put aside job worries and focus only on having fun.”

Does God’s Nature Affect Our Fights? :

“The church reflects God, then, when it upholds unity in a body filled with diversity. The Triune God balances unity and diversity in perfection, and the nature of the Godhead changes how we understand the makeup of the church. God is never separated; in a way we cannot explain, He is perfect unity. Three distinct Persons who are one. And when God redeems a people for Himself, He makes them like Himself, bringing together diversity and unity. Granted, we are not God, and therefore we will never attain perfect unity in our fallen state. But as Christians who have the Spirit, we can pursue unity that reflects our Creator and Redeemer. “

I love the picture of a symphony that blends the diversity of tones and pitches to create one unified sound. This article is encouraging for marital and church conflict.

The Awesomeness of Humility – TrueU.org : Student Lounge:

“biblical basis for why we should be humble. He points out verses which show that God ‘opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble’ (James 4:6, NIV). God ‘guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way’ (Psalm 25:9). Scripture makes it clear that God wants us to be humble. Del then goes on to point out the humility seen in Jesus. In Matthew 11:29, Jesus states that He is ‘gentle and humble in heart.’ It also obviously took a lot of humility for Christ to die on the cross. In fact, Philippians 2:5-8 says:”

This is a really good article for married couples hurt by one another. We are to reconcile despite the hurt as long as it is physically safe/ show love/pursural in our hearts again. We do not wait until they change. Christ sacrificed for us while we were still sinners. Our love is to be long-suffering with the hope that one day we will benefit.

Husbands and Wives: Why Isn’t Marriage the Way I Thought It Would Be?:

“Tom’s expectations about marriage weren’t being met. Through reading and counseling he finally recognized that those expectations were an effort to cope with a painful childhood. Growing up, he’d often been under his mother’s controlling thumb. He’d brought into marriage a vow that he’d never get close enough to his wife to let her control him as Mom had. As a result, he’d never gotten close enough to truly connect with Jill. Tom had to work through his hurts before he could begin to relate to Jill in a more meaningful way. The two of them met periodically over coffee with a seasoned couple in their church, learning what they might expect in each new stage of marriage. They still have struggles. But Tom is learning more about God’s expectations for their marriage. Unless he depends on God for the ability to love Jill, he doesn’t have a prayer to make it happen. He’s also learning that by staying true to his marriage, he’s growing in ways he never thought possible.”

This is a good explanation of the importance of grieving through family of origin issues and surrendering vows. I disagree that we grow. It is God’s work of loving others through us that produces the so called growth.

Sex: Guilty Pleasure or Godly Pleasure? – TrueU.org : Men’s Hall:

“In my last article on 1 Corinthians, I looked a little at some of the various contexts that characterized Corinth during the first century A.D. One of them involved these two opposing groups: the hedonists, who thought that various perversities were just fine, and the ascetics, who thought that things having to do with the physical world (e.g. sex) were inherently evil, whereas spiritual things were inherently good, or at least better.”

An interesting article on the extremes of good and evil. I disagree that we are to be made righteoous. We already have been in believing in Christ’s resurrection.

Hell’s handmaiden

Really, these “Marriage = One Man One Woman” people need a lesson in cultural anthropology.

Much of the evangelical church today is obsessed with ethics. The basic strategy usually used in creating such is simply a searching of the writings of Paul and then a subsequent codification of his statements into a law seen as, “The way it always was.”

The irony is that, as this blogger so clearly points out, it really never was. In fact, usually what was is stunningly different from what Paul had to say for himself.

So, should we punt any sort of ethical standard and rush off into a three-some, a gay marriage or maybe a sexually open relationship? No. But, we do have to pull our non-thinking heads out of the sand and start to engage our worlds instead of our simplistic presuppositions. In case it isn’t already clear, the rest of the world responds to a line of logic that starts with, “Well the Bible says…” with a well deserved sneer. While it may be a mental starting point, if that’s all we got, we are already dead in the water.

There is a place in Christianity for ethics — but it is not the starting point nor is it ever a self contained entity. Ethics must always start from the solid foundation of Grace and total freedom to, for example, engage in that three-some and know that God’s heart has not changed towards you (for we are totally free from the law) though tears are running down His face. Not tears of rage — but tears of love for your heart has been smashed by the decision to engage in such.

In other words, ethics must always start from our anthropology. Anthropology is the study of what it means to be human. It is an assessment of our hearts, minds, souls and bodies that determines how we function — or don’t function as the case may be. It is the core of an assessment of what is good for us or for a society.

Yes, it almost goes without saying that Paul’s writings are a study in great wisdom in this area — but they are, at least to some degree, culturally specific and require generalization to present day life. That generalization is, by it’s very nature anthropological.

A marriage between one man and one woman is the best idea — but not just because the Bible (Or for that matter the Koran) says so. It is a good idea because there is clear evidence of design (Or, if addressing a secular audience, evolutionary programming) present in the hearts of men and women that enables each to meet the needs of the other and offers critical developmental resources to any children present in ways that no other combination (Say two men) allows.

We have further found that a high degree of security and intimacy is required for such to occur and this is why most cultures have instituted the rite (and thus the standard definition) of marriage. While other combinations may have varying degrees of success, they are less then optimal and are less worthy of protection/promotion then that which is optimal.

Once we have actually thought out why we would state that marriage between one man and one woman is the best idea, we can then go back to Paul as a credible voice of historical thought who arrived at the same conclusion.

Otherwise, we just end up looking like idiots…

(Just for the record, I don’t have enough faith to believe in evolution…)

Psychology Custody Issues

Custody/access evaluations (also called psychological parenting evaluations) assist parents and courts in determining the best plan for their children with respect to the division of parenting time and parenting responsibilities.

Mostly self promotion — but solid info.