Q: What other questions are ofthen asked about sexual addiction? A: 1. "Can you HELP ME?" Yes, we can. Sexual addiction is not a problem to be taken lightly. Individuals who suspect they may be even getting close to it are encouraged to seek professional help as soon as possible. If caught and treated early, recovery is relatively quick. Occasionally, if left, the behavior becomes so ingrained it may take years of work to conquer. 2. "How can a person stop masturbating?" Masturbation is something that most people do sometimes and does not mean that a person necessarily has a problem. However, masturbation can be compulsive and cause distress. When masturbation is compulsive and results in problems for a person then changing the behavior is a good idea. To change the behavior one of the first things to do is to understand the function of the behavior. For example, if masturbation is used as a way of coping with a negative mood, like anxiety, then this suggests that to stop compulsively masturbating it will be important to find a new way to deal with anxiety. The use of exercise and/or relaxation techniques like diaphragmatic breathing during the times when a person usually masturbates can be used to help a person to cope with their anxious feelings. Also, it is a good idea to change settings when a person feels like masturbating so that he or she is some place where he or she will not engage in the behavior. When attempts at stopping the compulsive self-stimulation fail then it is likely that assistance from a therapist is warranted. This is particularly true if the person is experiencing significant problems due to the compulsive masturbation, such as relationship problems or interference with work. 3. "I need sex. Why do I just want more and more of it?" This comment relates to the issue of tolerance. In sexual addiction, like substance addiction, a person can develop a tolerance. Tolerance involves needing more stimulation or novelty to gain same level of arousal previously obtained with less stimulation or novelty. As tolerance develops individuals may find themselves seeking out more unusual sexual experiences, more frequent sexual experiences, and more graphic pornography. The issues of tolerance and withdrawal are discussed further in therapy. 4. "Why am I addicted?" The issue of why a person is addicted is a complex one. A multitude of factors may relate to the cause of a person's addiction. There are psychological, social, and even biological factors that result in the initiation and maintenance of an addiction. For example, the compulsive sexual behavior may relate to relationship problems, past sexual abuse, mixing up sex and love, the use of sex as a way to escape negative emotions, and many other factors. It is important to note that the causes of an addiction include factors unique to each individual and there appears to be no one factor that is true for everyone. 5. "Why do I feel so guilty ?" Guilt is a natural reaction we have when we feel we have done something wrong. To resolve guilt one must change their behavior, or change the way they feel about the behavior, or both. If the behavior is causing the person to hurt themselves or others then changing the behavior is desirable. It may be easier to change one's behavior by first taking responsibility for one's actions, making amends to those who have been hurt, and forgiving oneself for past behavior. It easier to forgive oneself for past behavior if the causes of the behavior are understood and addressed. Counseling is often helpful for dealing with these issues. 6. "I am addicted, whenever I'm on the net, I have to visit the porn sites. Why do I feel bored without it?" This question relates to two issues, sexual compulsivity and using sex to distract oneself from negative emotional states. Part of sexual compulsivity is related to developing a habit. Much like someone who is accustomed to reaching for a cigarette or a drink in certain situations, a sexual addict may reach for pornography. Once the habit is in place the sexual addict may then trick him or herself into believing that they are not going to do it again. The person may go online and consciously decide on just taking a peek at one sex page or only entering the chat room for five minutes. Now, again in the arousing situation, the compulsive behavior takes over and the addict feels compelled to complete the act. After the act is completed the addict then may say "not again." However, this feeling may only last as long as the person feels satiated. These issues are discussed in therapy and in several of the books available through your local bookstore. Recommended books that address these topics include: Sex Addiction: Case Studies & Management, Don't Call It Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction, and Relapse Prevention with Sex Offenders. 7. "I'm sexually attracted to children, is there anything I can do? Yes. A person sexually attracted to children can focus on adult images rather than child images when sexually aroused. While it may be difficult at to avoid thinking of children sexually if so inclined, it is always possible to keep oneself from looking at actual visual images of children when aroused. When sexually aroused it is very important to physically remove oneself from the presence of children. Also, when sexually aroused, sexual behavior can be limited to consensual adult activity. By associating adult sexual images and adult sexual activity with arousal, arousal to adults will likely increase and arousal to children will likely decrease. Sexual arousal to children is a very serious concern and if untreated may result in sexual contact with children. Therefore it is very important that individuals with this type of sexual attraction seek help. Sexual attraction to children is the result of deep inner wounding and requires help from a trained professional. 8. "With the recent onslaught of the drug Viagra, I can't help but wonder is there a drug that has the opposite effect? Is there a drug (or drugs) that curbs sexual desire?" There is a drug that is used to decrease sexual desire in men; it is called Depo-Provera. It is a female hormone that is typically used as a form of birth control, but it is also occasionally used with sexual offenders to decrease sex drive. It works similar to the way the nicotine patch works for smokers. Smokers who use the patch no longer need nicotine, but they still have the habit of smoking and feel like smoking at the times they typically would have smoked. To be successful at stopping smoking, smokers using the patch need to change their smoking behavior and find a new way of coping with stress. The same is true for Depo-Provera. If someone has a sexual habit and is using sexual behavior as a means of coping, then Depo-Provera will take away some of the biologically based desire, but will not be successful if other new coping behaviors are not learned and used. Henze and Associates home page (Loads in a new window).