FAQ'S: SEX ADDICTION

Q:	What sorts of questions are often asked about sex addiction?

1. WHAT IS SEX ADDICTION?

Sex addiction is a way some people medicate their feelings and/or cope with their stresses to the degree that their sexual behavior becomes their major coping mechanism for stresses in their life. The individual often can not stop this sexual behavior for any great length of time by themselves. The sex addict spends a lot of time in the pursuit of his or her sexual behavior/fantasy or they may have a binge of sexual behaviors.

2. WHY DO PEOPLE BECOME SEXUALLY ADDICTED?

This is different for every sex addict but generally speaking there are biological, psychological, and spiritual reasons. The following is a short explanation of each reason why someone can become a sex addict. The biological addict is someone who has conditioned their body to receive endorphins and enkephlines (brain chemicals) primarily through reinforcing a fantasy state with the ejaculation that provides these chemicals to their brain. Psychologically, the need to medicate or escape physical, emotional or sexual abuse can demand a substance, the early addict finds the sex medicine usually before alcohol or drugs. Spiritually, a person is filling up the God hole in them with their sexual addiction. The addiction is their spirituality, it comforts them, celebrates them and is always available and present. Then there is the sex addict who can be two or even three of the above reasons. This is why a specialist in sex addiction is the best route for recovery with sex addiction.

3. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEX ADDICTION AND A HIGH SEX DRIVE?

I have heard this question on almost every national talk show or radio show I have been on over the years. A person with a high sex drive is satisfied with sex. It's not about a fix for something; when their partner says "NO" it doesn't make them go off the handle thinking their partner is totally rejecting them and have to leave the house or act out in some other way. If you can relate to this the chances are there may be an addiction issue. It is important to realize that a sex addiction is not about love making -- it is about a numbing out of emotional reality.

4. CAN YOU BE ADDICTED TO MASTURBATION?

Yes, this is by far the most common sex addiction that I have treated in working with sex addiction. This usually is the first sexual behavior many of us will have on a repeated basis. This is usually where the sexual compulsion starts with sex addicts and this behavior, regardless of other acquired behaviors, usually stays active.

5. WHAT ROLE DOES PORNOGRAPHY PLAY IN SEX ADDICTION?

Pornography, for many sex addicts, combined with regular masturbation is the cornerstone of the addictive for most sex addicts. Many sex addicts have great difficulty getting sober from this combination of behavior. The pornography with fantasy creates an unreal world that the sex addict visits throughout their adolescence and other developmental stages and creates an object relationship that conditions their emotional and sexual self to depend upon these objects and fantasies to meet their emotional and sexual needs hundreds of times before having sex with a real person.

6. CAN SOMEONE BE A SEX ADDICT AND NOT BE SEXUAL WITH THEIR SPOUSE OR COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP?

YES! In this stage of sex addiction, the addict prefers the fantasy world and fantasy sex with themselves or others instead of relational sex with their spouse or partner. The addict avoids relational sex and hence this couple has sex infrequently and often at the partners request not the addict.

7. WHAT IS IT LIKE TO LIVE WITH A SEX ADDICT FROM A PARTNER'S OR WIFE'S PERSPECTIVE?

The partners/wives of sex addicts report many similar feelings about living with the sex addict. The feeling of aloneness is a common experience with partners of sex addicts, the sense that he can't open up and tell you about his "real" self. The confusion of even after you do certain behaviors that this still is not enough and the hopelessness that there isn't enough. Anger for many different unmet needs as a person and as a woman are often common as is a sense of being used as an object.

8. CAN PARTNERS GET HELP EVEN IF THE SEX ADDICT DOESN'T?

Yes, even if the addict stays in denial of their addiction the partner can receive help and support for herself. The feelings of anger, loss, loneliness and many other feelings encountered over the years of living with this addiction will effect a person. These feelings need to be dealt with therapeutically whether they stay married to the addict or not. If you would like a telephone counseling appointment call (403) 819-3545 to get setup. The addiction was in no way your doing as a partner or wife, the addicts addiction started many years before you even met your addict. This addiction would have grown and damaged anyone they would have related to in any relationship.

9. IS THERE RECOVERY FOR SEX ADDICTION?

Yes, there is recovery for sex addiction -- both hetrosexual and homosexual. This recovery takes time and hard work especially in the first year but with guided help the sex addict can experience restoration in their emotional, relational, sexual, financial and even spiritual lives. I have seen marriages made better than they ever were and addicts live much happier lives than they ever thought possible. I have been in successful recovery over eleven years and I know it's available for those who choose to work for and maintain recovery. If you would like a telephone counseling appointment call (403) 819-3545 to get setup.

10. HOW DO YOU FIND A SEX ADDICTION SPECIALIST?

Finding a therapist who truly specializes in sex addiction is difficult. We have found telephone counseling to be just as successful as office visits without the hassle of going to an office. We offer telephone counseling for those who desire recovery in a very professional and specific manner at: (403) 819-3545

11. IS THERE RESEARCH ON SEXUALITY AND SEX ADDICTION AVAILABLE?

There is research being done in the field of sexual addiction. See our Session Notes for more info.

12. CAN WOMEN BE SEX ADDICTED?

Yes! The number of women desiring treatment is growing significantly. The behaviors are the same as there male counterparts including: masturbation, pornography, internet activity, anonymous encounters and affairs. There are practical, tried and proven solutions to get you on your way to recovery available. If you would like to set up a telephone counseling appointment to start your journey of recovery, call today. There is hope for female sex addicts to recover. I have even seen prostitutes get and stay free for years.

13. IS THERE ANY WAY TO HELP OUR CHILDREN NOT BECOME SEXUALLY ADDICTED?

Yes! Even though many of our adult male clients report that their fathers were sex addicts (porn, affairs, prostitutes etc.) they also report getting little to no proper sexual information to balance their sexual perspective. In sessions, we help your children understand sex and the brain, the long-term affects of pornography, long term sexual satisfaction and a whole lot more. The best combination seems to give them a proper and currently informed sex talk along with healthy relationships with their parents.

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