Session Notes

WebMD

Dec. 13, 2011 — Girls and young women who are vaccinated against human papillomavirus (HPV) appear to be no more likely than those who are not vaccinated to engage in sexually risky behaviors, a CDC survey finds.

After all of the drama, handwringing and false guilt about teens being given a free pass to have sex via safety from only one of oh-so-many sexually transmitted diseases, it turns out that the only thing this vaccination manages to do is keep children from dying of one sexually transmitted disease.

And, actually to the contrary of the above, it seems to at least be correlated somewhat with a rather high willingness to insist on condom use in women.

Via: The Atlantic

Here I was, seeing the flesh-and-blood results of the kind of parenting that my peers and I were trying to practice with our own kids, precisely so that they wouldn’t end up on a therapist’s couch one day. We were running ourselves ragged in a herculean effort to do right by our kids—yet what seemed like grown-up versions of them were sitting in our offices, saying they felt empty, confused, and anxious. Back in graduate school, the clinical focus had always been on how the lack of parental attunement affects the child. It never occurred to any of us to ask, what if the parents are too attuned? What happens to those kids?

Ten years ago or so, I started seeing a phenomenon. A constant stream of clients began to come into the office who really did have perfect parents and had gone through perfect childhoods with that they described as, “Perfect Self Esteem,” – whatever this week’s definition of that is…

And, they had just ditched their second wife or husband.

What the linked article – well worth the really long read it is btw – misses is that there is a second tier of issue happening here that goes way beyond just the person’s ability to deal with stress, it has to do with foundational skills in relationships.

You see, while said perfect parents are running around and making sure that junior has the perfect life, they are not focused on each other, not locking their kids out of their room and making mad passionate love that properly disgusts their children, they are not making out in the living room until their teens want them to get a room, they never go out on dates alone and (GOD FORBID!!!) leave the children with a sitter, they never chase the kids out of the room to have a private, deeply emotional and intimate conversation (that the child overhears from around the corner anyway) and they have never demonstrated to the child the struggle it takes to make a real marriage work.

No, they are too busy raising the perfect child…

Enter stage left another perfectly parented child with perfect delusions from Hollywood about relationships and a marriage happens. And neither of them have any clue about even making a real marriage work – much less the romantic ideal. And, it blows sky high. And, we wonder why…

Then, in retirement acres down somewhere where the sun always shines, the two elderly perfect parents sit across the patio from each other wondering why they can’t even talk enough with each other anymore to discuss why junior and juniorette can’t seem to stay married. Some of them also wonder if that inability to talk has anything to do with why, lately, they seem to be pushing happy hour up to lunchtime…

via msn.com.

in states where texting while driving is illegal, there appears to be a “slight increase in the frequency of insurance claims filed under collision coverage for damage to vehicles in crashes.”The finding is based on the institute’s comparisons of claims in four states — California, Washington, Minnesota and Louisiana — before and after texting bans took effect, compared with patterns of claims in nearby states. It could be that drivers who continue to text while driving are doing it more surreptitiously, hiding their phones from view of other drivers and law enforcement, increasing the risk of an accident even more, the institute says.

Apparently, the proponents of yet another law fail to realize that laws were meant to be broken — and that people who need to be controlled by said laws are NEVER made any smarter by the presence of such. (Meanwhile, the rest suffer anyway…)

The People Pleasers – Grace Walk Ministries:::Sharing the Love & Life of Christ:

“God gives you the desires of your heart. He places them there, but if you don’t know who you are you may spend your whole life trying to fulfill other people’s plan for your life. Many a frustrated Christian has struggled with finding fulfillment in life because they’re trying to be something and do something they’ve never been called by God to do. The meaning of grace, in part, is ‘divine enablement.’ By His grace, God enables you to be all that He has called you to be and do all that He has called you to do. But remember this: His grace doesn’t empower you to be and do what somebody else has called you to do. Who God has made you to be is wonderful, so you must resolve to be that person. Any effort to be somebody else is an affront to God because it suggests that you (or others) better know who you’re supposed to be and what you’re supposed to be doing. Don’t live for other people. It will wear you out. Instead, live from the identity in Christ that your Father has given you. Then you will be free to be and do all that you were designed for. The Apostle Paul once said, ‘I’m not trying to be a people-pleaser!”

This is a good article except the pleasing God section and some law. I pray we do not hamper the SPIRIT IN OTHERS BY OUR EXPECTATIONS FOR THEM.

The New Yorker

But, according to Add Health data, evangelical teen-agers are more sexually active than Mormons, mainline Protestants, and Jews. On average, white evangelical Protestants make their “sexual début”—to use the festive term of social-science researchers—shortly after turning sixteen. Among major religious groups, only black Protestants begin having sex earlier.

Another key difference in behavior, Regnerus reports, is that evangelical Protestant teen-agers are significantly less likely than other groups to use contraception. This could be because evangelicals are also among the most likely to believe that using contraception will send the message that they are looking for sex. It could also be because many evangelicals are steeped in the abstinence movement’s warnings that condoms won’t actually protect them from pregnancy or venereal disease. More provocatively, Regnerus found that only half of sexually active teen-agers who say that they seek guidance from God or the Scriptures when making a tough decision report using contraception every time. By contrast, sixty-nine per cent of sexually active youth who say that they most often follow the counsel of a parent or another trusted adult consistently use protection.

The gulf between sexual belief and sexual behavior becomes apparent, too, when you look at the outcomes of abstinence-pledge movements. Nationwide, according to a 2001 estimate, some two and a half million people have taken a pledge to remain celibate until marriage. Usually, they do so under the auspices of movements such as True Love Waits or the Silver Ring Thing. Sometimes, they make their vows at big rallies featuring Christian pop stars and laser light shows, or at purity balls, where girls in frothy dresses exchange rings with their fathers, who vow to help them remain virgins until the day they marry. More than half of those who take such pledges—which, unlike abstinence-only classes in public schools, are explicitly Christian—end up having sex before marriage, and not usually with their future spouse.

The stats just keep rolling in — Evangelical shame and Catholic guilt once again just doesn’t seem capable of arresting the misplaced human teen’s longing for love. Whatever shall we do???

Perhaps that might be a reason to offer it to them some other way — like maybe just being fathers and mothers to the fatherless and motherless???

Or, we could just launch another purity ball instead…

Ok, I’ve finally been asked about this one time too many. Ignoring grace and freedom for a moment and joining the legalists at their own game, allow me to declare a little jihad…

It’s time to post:

What follows is a brief word study demonstrating what I have said for years: Pastors or other church leaders lumping two teens making out in the backseat of a car in with the word fornication is an improper use of the text, it displays terrible hermetical skills, it represents more of the same attempts to twist Scripture to fit our world views and is basically irresponsible.

(I know it’s unclear but it will just have to do as a position statement…)

First, a simple cut and paste from the Greek Strongs:

1608. e˙kporneu/w ekporneuo; from 1537 and 4203; mid. to give oneself up to fornication: —indulged in gross immorality(1).

4202. pornei÷a porneia, por-ni´-ah; from 4203; harlotry (including adultery and incest); figuratively, idolatry:—fornication.

4203. porneu/w porneuo, porn-yoo´-o; from 4204; to act the harlot, i.e. (literally) indulge unlawful lust (of either sex), or (figuratively) practise idolatry:—commit (fornication).

To combine the three terms in question: It describes a behavior that is not simply immoral — it is grossly immoral and abnormal. It is about sex with children or family members, adultery, prostitution (Or sex which is criminal in nature) and it is almost always referenced in the context of idol worship — a fact we repeatedly blow past as a figurative reference. IT’S NOT!!! It’s about deviant sexual behaviors.

The three verses where such is directly referenced in any more then passing comment are as follows:

Acts 15:20 but that we write to them that they abstain from things contaminated by idols and from fornication and from what is strangled and from blood.

Acts 15:29 that you abstain from things sacrificed to idols and from blood and from things strangled and from fornication; if you keep yourselves free from such things, you will do well. Farewell.”

Acts 21:25 “But concerning the Gentiles who have believed, we wrote, having decided that they should abstain from meat sacrificed to idols and from blood and from what is strangled and from fornication.”

We have this picture of their worship as being a bunch of savages dancing around an idol — nothing could be further from the truth. There were two gods in question:

Baal:

Among the false gods to which Israel was vulnerable, Baal (Otherwise known as Mollech) posed the greatest threat. This deity was the supreme fertility god of Canaanite worship. He was celebrated as the lord of death and destruction. Sacrifices to Baal were thought to increase one’s own abundance. Baal was a god associated with the sun, power and violence. Altars to Baal were erected in high places in order to allow a full view of the sun’s rising and setting.

His temple was staffed by prostitutes and involved both heterosexual and lesbian acts as well as the sacrifice of children — usually after raping and torturing them. Bestiality was also involved. Children in question were usually the illegitimate infant offspring of the priestess…

When the early worship centers were excavated in the 60′s, the people involved refused to publish what they found as no one would have believed them that these things were possible.

Ashteroth-wife of Baal:

“The queen of heaven” in Canaanite worship (Or Diana or Isis) (Jer. 7:18) was the feminine counterpart of Baal and the god of life and sensuality; her priests were eunuchs dressed in women’s attire (I Kings 14:24). Worship involved the most gross forms of heterosexual and homosexual sexual behaviors.

Worship emphasized ecstatic, sensual feelings and digressed to orgies and the eventual worship of the penis (phallic symbols marked their worship in the same way that the Cross marks Christian worship).

The penis symbolized Baal in the same way that Ashteroth was the idol of idealized, erotic femininity. Both male and female expressions of sexuality were exaggerated and inflamed by the worship of Baal and Ashteroth.

The writers of the New Testament were very well aware of the behaviors practiced in the worship of these gods as well as the feasts where animals were first tortured to death via strangulation. For them to continually lump this word in with said worship would have come part and parcel with their total abhorrence of the actions in question.

The definition of the word as well as the repeated use in this context makes it hermeneutically irresponsible to try and adapt it to define two teens in the back seat of dad’s car.

Doing so is roughly the equivalent of describing a thirteen year old girl who just had an early term abortion and discovered she would have had twins as a, “Bloodthirsty, homicidal serial killer of children.”

Ok, so, can even the legalists stop beating up on their hormone-stoned children now and find a better way??? (It’s not like your judgment ever stopped their roaming hands anyway…) Just maybe, a weird concept like having a relationship with them could help???

Q&A: How to discipline daughter in rebellion?:

“”Grades“ have become like gods to us. What is your real concern in knowing that her grades have slipped? The fact that her grades have fallen simply points to the fact that she has become distracted. Not unusual for a 15 year old girl – especially considering her situation with a mom and a dad who don’t live together anymore. I’m not rebuking you in any way, just adding it all together to give a fuller picture of her world. Once again, consider this: grades vs. relationship. The picture will always become clear when you can see what you’re dealing with. I personally think it is wise on your part to not buy her a car – for what would be the real purpose of it? Don’t let the temporary sense that ”Daddy loves me because he bought me a car!“ fool you into thinking it will do anything in the long run as far as showing your daughter that you love her.I appreciate your concern for your daughter, and thank you for taking the chance to ask me what you did. I look forward to continuing our discussion. ”

I love that the author believes children can be believers of Jesus. It makes a good point that depending on your microculture something may be considered better or worse. It still is a narrow-minded perspective. I am not saying anything goes. As parents we need to realize that what we model, ourselves is most important. Loving her for who she is, not who you would like her to be. I pray so for all us parents.

Jennifer’s Recovery From Emotional Abuse:

“Jennifer describes her childhood as emotionally abusive and unpredictable. Her mother, now a committed Christian, struggled with uncontrolled rage and mental illness when her daughter was a child. Not only did the incidents of violent and frightening outbursts of rage leave her feeling insecure, unloved and inherently bad, Jennifer’s mom blamed her for her own unstable behavior. ”It’s your fault I act like this,“ she said. Suicide first entered her mind at age six. A sensitive child, Jennifer attempted to avoid her mother’s wrath through perfectionism. By junior high school, weary and disillusioned, she knew she could never earn her mother’s love and approval. If not her mother, she needed someone’s approval, so she sought it out by misbehaving at school, ditching it altogether or seeking affection from the opposite sex. Lonely, insecure and feeling unlovable, she grew to accept cruel and destructive behavior from friends, thinking she didn’t deserve any better.Then she met Rick, a quiet but popular football player, and she described it as ”love at first sight.“ But he had a difficult home life, too. Raised by an abusive, alcoholic father, Rick described seeing his father break a plate over his mother’s head because he didn’t like what she had cooked for dinner one night.”

This is an inspiring story of emotional abuse! However it does not talk about the Finished Work of Christ and His identity/character in believers. This eliminates the need for criticism. Jesus took all the issues away! We have had His constant approval and it will continue always.

What Your Teens Need to Know about Sex:

“Quick ideas about setting boundariesChildren and teens need boundaries for their safety. Children should understand the consequences of breaking family rules and boundaries. Consequences should fit the severity of the rule. The following are a few boundaries to discuss with your teen:CurfewTransporting other teens: who or how many people ride in one car together Drinking alcohol or using drugsDrinking alcohol or using drugs and driving Lying to parents or adults in authorityAllowing opposite-sex company in bedrooms Having friends over while parents are absent Age at which dating can beginDating vs. courting: discuss family values and guidelines”

This is a good article of a vision for teenage relationships. However, the law-based Christianity mindset is laced through it. The piece needs to be changed to focus only on Jesus.

The Princess Wish :

“Respectable and
Admirable

A princess doesn’t compete with a prince. Just the
opposite, she builds him up. It’s her admiration and
respect that inspire the prince and compel him to
greatness. When he sees that he’s a hero in her eyes,
it’s no wonder he’s willing to suffer for her. A hero will
go through anything to keep an admiring princess by
his side.
These qualities of princesses from long ago are still the
virtues that attract a prince today. And they’re already
yours. If you’re a daughter of the King, these graces
are your royal heritage. Like Mia in The Princess
Diaries, all you need to do is practice them through
the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s not just a wish or a fairy
tale, it’s the wonderful truth.”

This is a captivating article for teenage girls. The sections about sin are more better stated in terms of giving up your way. After which those loving qualities of God will be lived out in you. It is affirming to know the Father wants you to give him your heart. He wants to give His best to you, especially in terms of the timing of a spouse. May it be so for my girls, nieces and friends, God willing in them.